Spiderman 3 and Dark Knight Rises... They're the Same Movie

I made a facebook post not long ago about the similarities between Dark Knight Rises and Spiderman 3 and I thought I’d take time to elaborate more on that. See, the concept was born from a discussion with myself and the lovely and amazing Erin Casey. I’m not entirely sure how we got onto the subject, but it started with me calling out on of the characters in DKR to being similar in terms of plot functionality as another character in Spidey3. We then dove deeper into the topic and were blown away by how they were pretty much the same damn movie. Thus, I figured I’d post a more organized version of that conversation into a post-like thing that I sometimes do. Here we go.

Let’s start with the most obvious similarities between the two movies. Both are third installments of a trilogy that didn’t go over well with critics while both still were more financially successful than their predecessors. Neither hero has a desire to kill their opponents and, for the most part don’t. Any time a villain has died in either film it was accidental or not the fault of the hero. Both of which are persecuted at one point or another in their respective franchises (at least in the comics, in the films, it’s mostly just Batman, I think). Both trilogies peaked in their second and most impressive film due to having better villains and stories than their respective third installments. Both characters are orphans being raised by non-biological parents (aunts/uncles and butlers) all of which are old people. Both use a mixture of intelligence, science, parkour, and a variation of grappling and swinging around to fight crime.

Going a step farther, let’s take a look at some of the important relationships in the films. Peter Parker (Spiderman) loves Mary Jane and they get to a point where he is about to propose to her. About to, but suffers a radical personality shift due to an alien goo and he ends up being a bitch to her instead. On the darker and knightier side of things, the third film is the movie where we see Bruce in a relationship with another woman where they have sex. From what I can tell, we have no confirmation he’s ever been that close with a woman prior to that point in the series. But it seems like a one night stand and she ends up being a psycho in the end. So call the romance in both movies attempts to deepen relationships that ultimately fail.

What about the big bads? Both movies sport a multitude of villains (for the most part). You have your center-stage villain that does all the heavy lifting and steals the most scenes imaginable. In DKR you have Bane, who is the anti-Batman of the Batman universe since he was the one who not only broke Batman’s back but discovered who he was and was pretty much designed by writers to eliminate Batman the same way Doomsday eliminated Superman. Let’s websling over to Spidey3 where the center-stage villain is actually not the anti-Spiderman, but Sandman. Apparently he’s back after supposedly killing Uncle Ben in the first movie (more on that later) and now wanting to use his newfound powers of sand to get money to help his daughter.

Secondary villains come with both films and the flavor for this character is the frienemy. Or the sometimes enemy but sometimes ally malarkey that almost perfectly characterizes one of Batman’s few femme fatales, Catwoman. I’m sorry, Selina Kyle. Christopher Nolan can’t be bothered to have fun and use the goofy comic names now, can he? Selina makes an appearance in the film and is trying to steal from Bruce and then sets him up to be murdered by Bane, but she eventually sees the error of her ways and decides to help him and even save his life near the end. Flip the coin over to see Spidey’s frienemy, Harry Osborn. The movie starts with him wanting revenge for his father’s death. He gets amnesia from a fight they have, only to get his memory back, try to steal MJ from Peter, and then get his ass kicked again. But, when Peter is fighting baddies 1 and 3 to save MJ near the end, Harry jumps in to help him because friendship or some bullshit. Willem Dafoe’s Norman Osborn was spinning in his fictional grave.

Third round villains are the sleeper agents. These villains were hinted at earlier in the film (either subtly or it was just obvious from the get go) and then they appear within the last 15 minutes of the film and actually do something only to be killed without much effort anyway. Batman brings us Talia Al Ghul, the daughter of Ra’s Al Ghul (more on that later). She’s hinted at by the visit of Ra’s Al Ghul in Bruce’s head but I wouldn’t call it obvious because unless you are familiar with Batman lore prior to the film, you’d have no idea who the fuck that was with no reason to expect it. Meanwhile the plot of Spiderman 3 pretty much screams “Venom is showing up later in the movie” when an alien goo takes over Spiderman to alter his personality into that of a whiney emo bitch. That said, it takes damn near the entire movie for Peter to get rid of the alien goo before it can attach itself to Eddie Brock (more on that later) and finally get to the damn Venom saga (which needed more time to develop).

Moving on, both films have another aspect in common. They both ruin the earlier films in some way shape or form simply by having existed. In the case of Spidey3, it claims that Flynt Marko (Sandman before his pants became filled with sand) was the man who shot and killed Uncle Ben. Before we were informed that it was some nobody that Spidey had accidentally killed in the first movie in cold-blooded revenge. But now some new guy is randomly introduced and the police are only just now telling Peter and Aunt May that this guy is the actual killer? That doesn’t even make sense. How do they have proof of that and even if they do, why didn’t this come to light years ago when Uncle Ben was killed? Meanwhile, Batman’s is less offensive and more disappointing. In the first film, we’re introduced to Ra’s Al Ghul, who’s supposed to be immortal due to the “Lazarus Pits.” Take a dip and there and you gain youth and immortality (temporarily) but lose a dose of sanity in the process (or gain if you’re Joker). But the closest we get to the Lazarus Pit is a metaphorical hole that Bruce must climb out of in order to regain the life he lost when Bane broke his back. I was really hoping there’d be the eternal life water somewhere in there.

Also, both films have the fatal flaw of not having the hero in costume enough. Both films decide it’d be more fun to have the hero out of costume for well over half the movie. The problem being we don’t go to watch porn only to see the characters have awkward dialogue. And you don’t watch a super hero movie just to see the alter ego piss around for an hour and a half before putting on their ridiculously colored spandex outfits and beat up thugs and colorful villains. Spiderman spent most of his time as Peter and as dancing Emo Peter. Batman spent most of his time as crippled Bruce Wayne… not even joking. Earlier in the film he has a bum leg and needs a special brace made to help him actually be Batman and then he gets his back broken and needs to climb a wall to suddenly get better… somehow.

And the last similarity between them is how they end. In the case of Batman, Bat’s retired and “Robin” inherited the mansion and the Batcave, allowing him to essentially take on the role of being the next Batman should he choose to be. Thus, leaving it open for a sequel that will never come because Bale and Nolan wanted to move on and only one of them succeeded. Thus, Affleck will take on the role for the next film for no better reason than because Warner Bros. simply can’t live without a Batman somewhere in their belfry. Back over in New York, Spiderman beats Venom, but it’s assumed Venom isn’t actually dead and that he escaped (like in the comics, a lot). Peter and MJ make up, but still are awkward around each other, Harry dies, and Sandman goes to help his daughter. It’s an awkward ending, but enough is left open for a sequel… which will never come because the reception to the movie was so bad that Sony panicked. And instead of loosening their control on production of Spiderman movies, they took even more control in the production of Spiderman films, booted the talented Sam Raimi out and then made a god awful reboot that shouldn’t have existed at all.

And there you have it. Two super hero films that were the final episode in their trilogy that flopped due to a lack of understanding of the source material and too many villains that didn’t get fully developed. Both of which ended their trilogies only to then be rebooted with new versions that will likely be inferior because less actual effort, talent and heart is being put into their respective creative processes. However, we can only officially say that about Amazing Spiderman. Whether or not the new Batman will follow suit remains to be seen, but you can see why I’m not even the slightest bit optimistic. See ya next time. :D