LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLet's Play!

Journal of Clarity – 33 – April 16, 2013

It's been well over a week since you've heard from me here. I suppose you could say that's a good thing because now I have less time to mull about and be depressed. Alternatively, you could also say it's bad because now I don't have a way to express my depression because there's not enough time for me to set aside to discuss this stuff because I'm occupied with twenty-billion things all at once. Alternatively-alternatively, you could just stop supposing and start reading while I get this show on the road rather than continually pad this out for no reason.

We started trying to film the live-action short for class (which will be the kick-start of our live-action sketch comedy videos on the site). Good news, things went well. We had a good crew and everyone was easy to work with. I look forward to working with them again in the near future. Bad news? We got rained out after recording most of the first scene... so we'll have to reschedule and try again soon. Problem with that is that our schedules took forever to line up just this time around. So either we'll need to recast a person or two, or we'll have to use an alternate script for the class to get the project done in time. I don't like those options, because as I said, everything was going smoothly for a while. Last thing I want to do is make a big change and then not have that same excellent group that worked well the first time.

How good was this group? After that first attempt of recording the live-action sketch, we went to Taco Bell for that dinner I owed them. When we were there, we started recording a podcast there in the TB. Very spontaneous and impromptu. That was awesome and we said we'd have to do that again soon. After all that, some of us left, but a few of us stuck around to put together an impromptu “Let's Play” of Ninja Gaiden Sigma. Why? Again, no reason other than we had time and thought it'd be fun to do. Again, it was a good group that I loved working with and I'm hoping we can find a good day to do that again here really soon and finish the shoot.

That's part of the reason why I'm hesitant to leave Iowa City in the near future like I had been initially planning and returning to Des Moines. With no girlfriend, there's not as big a pull to return to the hometown. On top of that, I don't think I could get as good a group back in Des Moines for working on these projects like this. If I could, I would consider it more. But I like making videos, podcasts, let's plays, and so on. If I don't have people I could work with, why would I want abandon the people I have to work with? That said, I still am not a fan of my living situation. I want my own place with more space to do more stuff that would be easier to keep clean because then I'm not trying to clean up after other people all the time.

Anyway, the main reason I did one of these entries today is because I'm still depressed about the break up. I know, it's been three weeks or so now, but I'm still depressed about it. Why? I mean, things ended badly. She made me feel like garbage at the end. Why do I miss that or why am I depressed about not having that? Well, the thing is, while the bad moments were shit, there were a fair number of good moments and good things that worked. And, annoying as it is, I keep thinking about her. Not, like, all the time. But I'll just be sitting around playing a game, trying to do homework, doing naughty things, or writing and my thoughts will drift to her for some reason. Then everything just kind of slows down and I get a little depressed that not only can I not get over it, but because I know if I was given the opportunity at this moment, I would willingly go back to being with her, even though I'm still pretty miffed at shit she said when we talked last.

Would I like someone to talk to about this? Would I like to figure out a decent way to resolve this? Yes. But is there ever time? Usually not. Probably the worst part of all this. For as depressed and lonely as I get at times like this, I really don't set aside time to work on it because I have taken on too much as it is. Oh well. I'd better go. I'm going to try to update more regularly if I can.