The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

Journal of Clarity – 040 – May 27, 2013

So no one called me out yesterday on the religious topic. I must say I’m kind of impressed no one felt the need to lampoon me for voicing a controversial opinion on an otherwise heavily debated topic amongst certain groups of people. I guess that means you guys reading these are actually kind of mature and intelligent enough to listen and think on these opinions rather than giving knee-jerk reactions… that or the 800 or so views on this blog mean virtually nothing. Come on, guys. I’m writing these for my own benefit, but some response would be nice. Some discussion is not only welcome, but encouraged. If you know me on facebook ( as Silver Waseskuk) then you can message me there! Or e-mail if you want to uchihamax@aol.com! Is that still not good enough? I’d give out my phone number, but then I’d have people calling me all hours of the night, so tough. Discussion is one thing, but I need sleep.

Today, personal news. Been waiting to hear this, haven’t you. To be fair, I was planning on ranting about the XboxOne, used games, and the whole shebang. But I was writing, stopped, and waited too long before finishing the writing and now stuff has come up on the relationship front. It’s going to be complicated, bizarre, and interesting… but try to stay with me and we’ll see where this goes.

So, about mid-April, I met a girl online (not one of the websites mentioned in a previous article in my experimentation to see what online-sex-sites are like compared to normal social networking/dating sites). A legitimate site to meet people interested in relationships and whatnot. Yes, I used one of those sites because I don’t go out much due to shit work schedule keeping me from staying out late and me general contempt for the bar scene in general. Judge me if you want, but I’m getting off track from my story here so shut your face and pay attention.

Ahem. So I met a girl online (no I won’t say which site). We hit it off a little bit, but things were slow goings for a while. I didn’t expect to actually meet her at all given the pacing things were going but I figured I’d keep the conversation going to see where it would lead. More on that later.

Near the beginning of May, I met another lovely young lady on the same site. We hit it off as well, but things were going at a much faster pace (not as fast as I have gone through before, but that’s probably a good thing considering). In fact, we ended up meeting each other in person with only a few days of conversating online. And, it seemed/seems like things were/are leading to something possibly/eventually. We had planned another get together, a more private affair for the following week. That got cancelled due to work related stuff on her end. We scheduled another date-type thing shortly after and, once again, was canceled due to a mix of work related stuff and pre-trip stuff, again, on her end. So it seemed like she was, perhaps, losing interest and I was just kind of drifting there wondering what the whole issue was, if anything.

That all said, I was still communicating with the first girl because nothing had gotten serious with the second and with her lack of communication, I figured nothing would anyway. During the talks, we managed to, after a long time of talking, schedule a first meet up for this Friday. I won’t say what, where, or when because I don’t need stalkers right now. But that’s not the whole story. Turns out the second girl, who, as I have said before, has been on a trip out of state for the past week, is up for something the day after she gets back. The plan is to go out with her on Saturday.

So, to summarize, I’m doing the one thing I said I’d never do completely unintentionally because I figured I wouldn’t have gotten this far in the first place. With the first girl, I assumed that it wouldn’t lead anywhere. With the second, I assumed things were on the verge of not happening given how long it has been since we actually hung out and how short and rare conversations seem to be. But this is what I get for assuming. I make an ass out of me (and apparently someone else, but who, exactly, I don’t know).

That said, it’s not like I’m seeing both seriously at the same time or even tied to one seriously and cheating. I know it’s going to sound like a shifty and underhanded defense, but that’s really it. I’ve only just MET one and will be just MEETING the other. This is mostly to see if the interest is there with either at this point. At the same time, I still feel weird about it. But seeing as I’ve already committed to seeing both of them this weekend, I’m still going to go. Gotta press forward and see where this goes.

One question that will obviously come up is which direction am I leaning? Which girl do I have more interest in? That’s honestly a tough choice. The second girl, after meeting her, quickly became my first choice, but it seems like she has so much on her plate with work, school, projects and so on (wow that all sounds familiar) that I don’t know if she’d have time for a relationship. And I don’t want to jump into something with her to find out that I’m always going to be pushed aside for this stuff. Yes, school is more important in most regards, but if you’re going to get emotionally involved with someone, you still have to be able to make time for that person, am I right?

Incidentally, the second girl doesn’t seem to have that same problem. But while that’s the case and we do have a lot of similar interests, I don’t feel the same way about her. But that could be bias since I haven’t actually met her yet. But I’d hate to go with her only because things didn’t work out with the other girl and end up settling for who I guess you could argue was originally my second pick. Because if I am to be with someone, I want it to be with someone I want to be with. Because the person, in question, deserves to be wanted and not just settled on. So it wouldn’t be fair to her if that’s how this ended up.

All that said, perhaps meeting her will change my mind. Perhaps not. We’ll find out tomorrow, I guess. Right now, I just now I’m way farther behind on editing podcasts and Let’s Plays than I want to be and it is starting to really ruffle my scrotum (grind my gears, if you will). So I’m off to do something along those lines. Tata.