Now some coming attractions

Journal of Clarity – 036 – May 14, 2013

Well, I knew it would happen. I knew I would stumble upon my Achilles’ Heel with this new potential relationship and we haven’t even gotten to our first real date yet. … How’s that for a teaser? You want to know the full story? We’ll it’ll be a while. Let’s have some fun first.

I have a final this afternoon and that’s not going to be fun. It’s in Japanese History, a class I’ve been doing decent in, but clearly I could be doing better. It’s mostly for a lack of effort, I’ll openly admit. But given that this was my last semester and that it was a history course, I didn’t think I would need nearly as much focus on it as I did for… say… my film course that was a very involved and creative course. I was wrong but I made up for it I think where I should pass the class so long as I don’t bodge the final up too much. But once it’s done, I’m pretty much all done. Yeah, I have a final screening for film, but I don’t think we’re doing anything in it beyond watching everyone’s films (which doesn’t sound THAT entertaining because I’m sure there’s a lot of unpolished stuff in there that is going to drive me nuts).

In our own class there were some pieces I felt were editing kind of poorly. Granted, mine isn’t perfect, but still. Some tried to have a message in their video, which I only know what those are because of what they said during our workshop screening. Others needed to fix their audio mixing. Others their pacing was a tad off. As for me, I know there are a few spots I could polish up a bit better. But I also consider it a learning experience. Whatever didn’t work well in our first attempt at a live action short will be used to make better live action shorts for E-Vac Station throughout the summer.

I’m also kicking off a big editing kick this week with all the free time I’m going to have the week prior to my work schedule getting a massive overhaul. I’ve already started getting more episodes of Ninja Gaiden rendered and ready. We’ll need to record more soon. Shadows of the Damned and Aquaman will also be up on the block because they all require the least amount of work, with the latter being short as dicks. I’m also going to get working on the more involved project that is “Sonic All-Stars Racing” because I know people have been wanting that for a while… mainly Alan because it was his first Game On. But regardless, I still want it up. Once my final is done, I’ll be back here and doing that all day.

So yeah. I feel like I’m drawn to a particular kind of girl/woman/female without even realizing it. At first, I thought it was based on physical features (i.e. red heads or Asians or whatever). But I think I like women who are more aggressive and outgoing, considering how I’m mostly not and not. On top of that, it would seem my new potential leading lady (because nothing is official or whatever yet) likes men who are assertive and confident. Hm… this sounds familiar… wait… could it be… it is! [insert Power Stone sfx of “Oh NOOOOOOOO!]

If I had to make any observations or blanket statements about this whole thing, it’s this: the currently wonderful lady I’m seeing now feels like she’s my last ex but with a palette swap and a few of her character setting sliders altered a bit on features I won’t get into because that would be none of your business nor mine to necessarily share. But literally a lot of the same talents and interests as before with the general same demeanor and… yeah… this is sort of unexpected and I’m not sure what to make of this.

Granted, this doesn’t affect my opinion of her at all. I still like her as much as I did before. But I find observations like this hilarious. But I will still say I feel like she’s too good for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still try because aside from being more awesome than I’m probably capable of handling, she seems like the perfect person for me to be with. Again, we’ll see how tomorrow goes. I’m on the side believing I’m capable of making this work, and it seems like she’s willing to be patient and understanding (which I’ve heard before, so that could literally mean anything). But there’s always that niggling doubt that says I’ll bodge it up somehow. Probably with the usual foot-into-mouth routine I’ve gotten down to a science anymore without any effort.

For those who’ve been reading for a while and are probably just now making this observation, yes, these journal entries do tend to coincide with problems with women I  meet for relationship/romance. To that, I say, what else were you entirely expecting? The beginning did state that I would be talking about my personal life. Work is mundane. School is wrapping up. And I have a separate blog for E-Vac Station that no one ever went to on a regular basis. Only thing left is to talk about the love life. So if you’re pointing that out as a complaint, I’m sorry, but that’s just how it goes.

In fact, I have an entire volume of journal entries noted as the “Journal of Madness” which was an expression of how frustrated and confusing it was dealing with relationships and trying to meet people. It was only after a truly bad experience and entering into a new, potentially better experience ( that clearly didn’t work) did I start going into the “Journal of Clarity.” The idea being that I’m not longer as confused and frustrated because I’ve had a moment of clarity to figure out the basis of what I need to do to make things work. Additionally, I like a more positive idea of using my problems as a way to help reach new understandings of myself and how the world works. Furthermore, it is used to clarify my ideas, actions, and words as well as the same of others that could be considered confusing.

No, the Journal of Madness will never make it to the internet. There would be a lot of editing needed before I could even consider it, which I’m too lazy to get around to doing. Plus, those were dark times in my opinion. Yeah, there were good moments that I can look back on fondly, but they were all generally outweighed by lots of bad shit happening all around it. Ergo, it won’t be out for the public like this is. I may casually reference it without thinking, but beyond that, nope.

Anyway, I have to go and study what I can for this final and hope I can at least muster a C (which shouldn’t be too difficult). After that, I’ll see you at the editing desk. I’m out!