The Devil Drives Four Wheels: A Horror Story of Cars and Men... mostly Cars... and sad men.

I haven’t done an update about my personal life (ie non-entertainment stuff) for a long time now. That’s mostly because the personal life was pretty much nothing for a while. This week has been… rough… with pockets of good things happening, but mostly rough like pounding your head into a cement wall.

As some of you may have noticed (on facebook at least) I haven’t posted much at all this week. Why is that? Well, I was out of town and I typically don’t post much if I’m out of town unless I have a good reason to do so. Plus, I was more into playing Pokemon and seeing family than wanting to get on a computer to talk about my playing Pokemon and seeing family… (which I’ll get to the former here at some point in the near future). The trip was designed to only last for maybe a day at most and then come home. The problem, my car decided that it was tired of me taking it for granted and assuming it would work all the time. Thus, my story begins on the freeway on route to Des Moines.

I was around Altoona when I first noticed the problem, and I’m more than certain it didn’t appear sooner than that, given that I check my dashboard with the same frequency I check my HUD in [insert game name here]. The red light indicating I was low on oil had popped up, which was timed appropriately with me needing to use the restroom really badly. I pulled over in Altoona and made way to the restroom first. Then came the inspection. I removed the dipstick from the… um… what the fuck do you call the hole you check your oil in anyway? The “dip-hole?” Sounds dirty.

Anyway, I looked and my oil level was, in fact, low. Really low. In fact, I didn’t see any oil on the dipstick at all, though maybe I was just mental. I went in to buy more oil but they didn’t have the oil my car needed to run… at all. So I made a call home for Mom to come give me a ride to oil or to bring enough up for me to get home. Twenty minutes pass and we make our way to a HyVee (which we were told about) that didn’t have oil, and then followed up with a trip to a nearby AutoZone (which we stumbled across) that had what we needed. We filled the car up and made the rest of the journey home. But… the story is only just beginning. Act One, so to speak.

We got home and nearing our destination, smoke was fuming out from under the hood like it was a college dorm room, only with less mellowing out and more worrying that my car would explode. I pull up at the house, I take my stuff into the house, and then I call Dad, the only car expert I know within reasonable distance, to help figure out what’s going on. Eventually he gets home (unrelated stuff happens prior to that) and looks at the car. Oil stains the ground below like a pool of blood at a homicide, and smoke rises again whenever the car is started. It is decided that we (I) will call Subaru in the morning to take the car in and fix it since it was under warranty (supposedly).

I call, and this is where I make my first digression. Ramsey Subaru has the worst automated call/answering system ever. They list your options and “For Service, press 2” is, clearly, the second option mentioned. But there’s a sub-option after that when the automated voice says, “for Service, press 1.” Why is there another button press for service after I’ve already hit a button press for service? That doesn’t make any fucking sense? But then again, I’m used to worlds in which your armor is stored in a pocket of your armor, so who am I to argue?

I call Subaru, followed by the guys to tow it out. It doesn’t get there to near 10 for reasons, but it gets there. It eventually is reported as fixed and it seems like all is fine and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. However, on my side-trip to buy a birthday gift for Mom, I notice the smoke returning like your creepy Uncle skulking into your room late into the night. When I get back from buying, I see what looks like more fluid beneath the car and I wasn’t sure what to do. I called home for a second opinion and we thought maybe there was some left-over oil from the leak just sitting around and figured we’d wait to see what’s going on.

Dad, the third opinion, weighs in when he gets home. By that point, however, more leaking had occurred where the puddle was clearly visible from the house. We put another call to Subaru and the towing company the following morning for round two. Incidentally, it was the same gentleman towing my car for the second day in a row.

The car is once again reported as fixed by the end of the day, but as I’m driving home, I notice the smoke is appearing again. We check numerous times, but no leaks. However, needing to head back to Iowa City soon and really getting pissed at all the nonsense leading up to now, I decided I’d just take it back to Subaru and have them give it another look before they close. Unfortunately, at the time, they couldn’t say with any certainty what the issue was. So they kept it overnight.

The following day we get the call. The smoke (this time) was caused by leftover oil sitting above the engine. They took time to clean it up and also recommended a car wash. The less I talk about that horrible car wash, the better. Here’s just a quick side note to people with car washes. Guys, can we please have just car washes that put your vehicle in neutral and just leave it like that until you leave? The ones where you actually are supposed to drive through don’t make any sense and shouldn’t be bothered with.

Whatever the case. It seemed like everything was finally fixed! I threw my luggage into the car. I said goodbye to the family and pets. I gassed up the car and bought a soda. I threw on the next RoosterTeeth podcast and was ready to go. I drove for a while and was feeling pretty confident about everything this time and was ready to just enjoy the ride… And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked… I mean the check engine light game on. It was only blinking and it was just all of the sudden.

Now, a smarter me was suggesting to stop at the next exit and deal with this immediately. That version of me was the smart one who, while not always fun at parties, generally had the most sensible ideas despite his often depressing and pessimistic attitudes. But he wasn’t the one driving that day. It was an optimistic and naïve me that was concerned for a moment, but tried to shrug it off. “I’ve seen people with those lights on in their cars and it usually means nothing,” I thought. “David, Erin, that guy from work whose name I’m not remembering, and so on. So I’ll just drive a little farther and see how this develops. If I’m lucky, I won’t notice anything and I’ll be in Iowa City with no issue.”

Oh how I would have loved to go back in time and punch that optimism right off my face, taken the wheel, and then do what needed to be done. But, as you may have seen in earlier posts in dealing with ex-girlfriends and other life decisions, this isn’t necessarily the first time I’ve my optimistic approach to something has ended up only coming back to fire a shotgun into my face (remember Kat, anyone?). Unfortunately, I cannot bend the laws of time and space to prevent myself from making those dumb decisions. Nor, indeed, can I use the knowledge I have now to take over the world cira 1940, but I’ll just have to learn to accept that for now and move on (to building the time machine).

The light was noticed around Marshalltown and it wasn’t until about Newton when I gave up and pulled over to see how bad the situation was. I looked under the hood (leaving the car on so I could SEE the problem) and I was shocked at what I saw. You know in the movies how they shake the camera to make it look like an earthquake or a lot of explosions or heavy impacts are happening? Imagine that kind of camera work, but filming Michael J Fox during a bad day and that generally describes the violent and terrifying nature of how my car engine was shaking. I immediately called Dad for consultation, and then called Subaru (again) to have them look at my car (again). It had to be towed (again) back to the dealership (again). And, surprisingly enough, it was the SAME GUY towing my car for the THIRD FUCKING TIME! He even said that this was a record for the number of times he’s towed the same car. Glad I could help with that /sarcasm. Seriously though, nice guy and I appreciate all the help he’s given with this. If you ever need a tow-guy, ask for “Mel” from Ultimate towing in Des Moines. He’s a pretty cool dude.

Mel gives me a ride home (since he knows where my parents live). And I extend my stay another night. I called work and told them it was literally impossible for me to get to work the next morning and kept others (girlfriend, roommate, and random friend I thought was going to work the next day) informed of what had just gone down and proceeded to curse the world for giving me a car possessed by Satan… though I think the Satan thing might actually be a new ordeal. That said, the reason I stayed the extra night was because I didn’t get back to the dealership in time to get a loaner car and while I could have rented a car, I didn’t want to deal with ANOTHER company while still trying to deal with this one. Only one set of complications at a time please.

The next morning, around 9AM, I get a loaner car and head back to Iowa City. It’s weird, but I like it, but it’s new so that’s expected. The adventure, however, is still not over. I still need to get back to Des Moines to pick up the husk of automobile once the exorcist as removed whatever demonic creature resides in the car’s engine sometime next week. I will likely have to wait until Wednesday, but I might head back Monday if everything seems alright. But that’s the sequel to be released sometime next week. I hope this story was as fascinating for you as it was frustrating for me to experience firsthand.

However, the observant reader will have caught on to a few details that hint at what I might get into next. For those interested, yes, I did play a lot of Pokemon during the down time. It was great. It is probably the best game of the series (which surprised me even) and it might even make game of the year unless Walking Dead season 2, Sonic Lost Worlds, Phoenix Wright Dual Destinies, or Arkham Origins have something to say about that. And, no, GTA5 isn’t a competitor for the nomination because Saints Row IV is just better in every way except in the online department, which, as you know, I don’t give two fucks about.

What’s that? Something else? Yes! I did have other ways to spend the down time. I did get to watch old episodes of Simpsons and Mom and I caught up on the last season of American Horror Stories, which was actually really damn good. Anything else? Hm… I did get to see my brother, which was a pleasant surprise. Anything else… Hm…

Oh! You probably read that line about how I called people after being towed from Newton and saw that one of the people called was, in fact, a girlfriend. No, that was not exaggeration for effect or me embellishing details to make the story better (I would have called a harem if I felt like embellishing). No, I’m once again in a relationship, but it really isn’t all that sudden. It’s one that has kind of been in the makings for maybe four months or more. Given some of the notoriously dumb ideas and decisions made in the first quarter of this year, I decided it might be best to slow down with her and make sure I don’t do a dumb. Details? A name perhaps? If you read the entire thing properly, you might have caught the name without realizing it. I won’t spoil it for you, but I will say that, no, it wasn’t Mel. So, no, this week wasn't all bad... just a lot of bad with spikes of genuinely good things happening. 

But, no, I’ve decided the slow approach is best with this newer girl because, frankly, going too fast has been an issue the past couple times. I’ll save the speed for the fastest thing alive… you know… the blue blur… Sonic the Hedgehog. Which, incidentally, is coming out this week. With Pokemon now winding down into post-game training shenanigans, I think a dose of sonic speed is exactly what I’ve been waiting for. Unless something interesting comes up between now and then, I’ll see you from the strange worlds of Sonic Lost Worlds.

Fifteen Years Ago today...

You know what? I probably never would have bought PayDay 2 had I never played the first one. And I probably wouldn’t have considered buying it if I didn’t already enjoy co-op games with friends. Thanks to Left4Dead and Left4Dead 2, that happened. But I probably never would have touched those games had Portal not been my first PC game. But Portal would have been impossible for me had Metroid Prime not been my first FPS game. Then again, I never would have heard of Samus if I had never played Smash Bros., which got me into Zelda and a long string from games related to that or StarFox or Fire Emblem or a number of other great Nintendo titles. And while it seems like I’m giving Smash Bros. all the credit for me being the gamer I am today, I never would have picked up an N64 controller to smash with the bros if it wasn’t for Pikachu. That’s right. The first game I ever truly owned and played was Pokemon and without that, I would have never stepped into gaming to be where I am today. In honor of the 15^th anniversary of Red & Blue coming to America, let’s talk about Pokemon and how much it means to me as a gamer.

It’s easy to write Pokemon off as another kiddie-Nintendo game that is only meant for casual players. But easy answers aren’t always the right ones and Pokemon offers more depth to the game than I’ve seen in most FPS games, many RPGs or puzzles, etc. But that’s the allure of Pokemon. It may seem like a casual and easy game, but that’s because it’s supposed to appear that simple. It’s a game designed to be easily approachable so that anyone can pick it up and play without feeling like the game is too unforgiving or unplayable. There can be some hard moments, but the simplicity and easy approach of it makes it so that no one can feel alienated by the game’s story or mechanics too early, aiming to rope them in by their first gym and keep them playing til completion.

The games all started with a simple tutorial of how to play drawn out over the course of a few events before completely setting you out to deal with the events of the world yourself. The first is just an explanation of the world and establishing the central characters of you, your rival, and Professor Oak. After establishing that, it’s quickly explained that the grass is Where the Wild Things Are and you need protection. Immediately telling the player that to fight Pokemon, all you need to do is go into the long grass. This segways into you picking your first pokemon and your partner that you’ll most likely keep throughout the game if you have a heart and don’t pick Bulbasaur. By doing so, you then jump into your battle tutorial. You get no real instructions on how to do it. Just a menu and your best guess as to how to beat your rival.

This is the genius part of the tutorial from the first game. It allowed for failure, which would change your rival’s final roster. But it also encouraged you to experiment and explore your options, a very strong theme of the very first Pokemon games. The game could have easily held your hand and told you want moves to make for the best results or given tips on strategy. Instead, it just throws you into the deep end to see if you can manage to get yourself afloat.

After all of that happens, Oak will ask you to make a delivery for him. This requires you going to the next town’s Pokemart. In doing so, you walk up route 1 and meet various NPCs that will tell you more small details about the game and getting around like how the ledges work, which help make your return trip faster. One even gives you a potion to heal your potentially damaged Charmander or Squirtle under the assumption you’ve been battling the wild Pokemon of the area in order to train them up.

Why would they assume you’ve been training? Aside from the fact some battles won’t let you run away randomly, the driving force is supposed to be your rival you just fought. If you just won, the designers want to give you the drive to keep training to stay ahead of him. If you lost, the designers want to give you the initiative to better yourself in battle, which is why encountering wild Pokemon isn’t just to strengthen your Pokemon and make them better in battle, but verse you in the dance of battle and realize what the best strategies and moves are. But, wait? Why would that possibly be the reason behind this? You’ll see in a couple paragraphs.

By doing Oak’s request, you visit Viridian City, the first major town in the game which has a gym, a Pokemon Center, and a Pokemart. The tutorial’s purpose is to help you find the PokeMart to establish where you can get healing items, Pokeballs, and other useful tools for later (the girl who gave you the potion early was another strong hint of this). And, luckily, it’s near the Pokemon Center, which is the most important structure to learn the location of for how useful it will be throughout the entire game. But if you can’t find it right away, talk to all the NPCs on the map because they’ll tell you everything you need to know like that the Gym is closed, the drunk/sleeping guy on the road won’t let you pass yet, and that the Pokemon Center is right “there”. You could go exploring, but the fact the road to the next town is blocked and you are supposed to be delivering something to Oak anyway. There is something you could go do now, but we’ll get back to that in a moment.

Another thing I almost forgot to point out is the “school” in Viridian City, which can teach you a few other useful bits of information such as the fact trainers go around to different gyms around the world and once they collect all the badges, they can challenge the elite four of the Pokemon League. And, if you read the signs, it’ll say that Viridian City is the gateway to the Pokemon League, which is a double meaning. It is physically the location where you enter Victory Road, but also the final gym for your final test before facing Lance and the rest of the Elite Four. Meaning you WILL be returning to Viridian City once again at some point, though not all of this is explained right then and there.

You return to Pallet Town with the parcel, again, probably fighting wild Pokemon on the way to continue getting you used to the battle mechanics, showing you the Pokemon available on the earliest sections of the game, and leveling up your non-Bulbasaur pokemon. You drop off the parcel and then your rival appears again. Another battle? No. Oak wants to give both of you a Pokdex, beginning the secondary goal of the game, catching all the Pokemon. While it has become a much more daunting and tediously pointless task in newer games, this was to incentivize players into catching all of the Pokemon and trying to use them in various combinations to design the best teams to best fit their own play style. It also encouraged more experimentation whereas someone who just stuck with one team the whole way through the game didn’t really get the most of what the game was intending to offer.

As you leave, Oak’s aid will give you five Pokeballs, which means you can now start catching these Pokemon. And you know what’s available. You go out and start catching and using that same route you travelled to level up your nearly caught Ratata or Pidgey or both. Eventually you return to Viridian City to see a notable change, the road is no longer blocked, allowing you to go forward. If you haven’t caught Pokemon yet, the formerly drunk/sleeping man will give you a quick lesson on how to before failing miserably, but revisiting him will give you a successful lesson the next time around. But before you move on, as always, explore because the game has encouraged it thus far. Have you looked off to the west of town yet?

This is the road that leads to the end-game battles of the Elite Four. There are also places to catch Pokemon here and a path that leads to an item on the ground an NPC will point out, letting you know what those Pokeball icons on the overworld are. But, and probably most importantly, your rival is lying in wait for you as well on the yellow brick road (at least in the Yellow version) that leads to the Indigo Plateau. This supports the theory that the rival isn’t just an annoying punk you fight constantly, but someone who is supposed to drive the player to catch new Pokemon, train them to higher levels, and be the player’s “test” to see how far they’ve come throughout various points in the game. This is your final test before leaving the tutorial to see if you’ve master the art of battling and if you’ve figured out how to use your Pokemon properly before setting you off on your own. Success or fail, you still learn a lot and either way will alter your rival’s final roster anyway.

Now that you’ve done just about everything you can, it’s time to leave the tutorial section and begin the real game, in the Viridian Forest. That said, the forest is where you learn a few lessons as well. First, how to deal with trainers other than your rival. You also learn about status effects, specifically poison and how much of a problem it will be throughout your adventure. This is where the game encourages you right away to return to the PokeMart to restock, but venture forward if you want. Once you make it out of the forest, you’ll hopefully have leveled up more in both Pokemon and in self as well as caught some new helpful allies on the way (Caterpie / Metapod / Butterfree is the best option if you have Charmander or Pikachu as your starter). Regardless, you’re now in Pewter.

Here, you use what you learned about the town layout to find your way around town. There’s a museum you’ll want to remember for late game, though you can still explore and get hints as to what to expect (Aerodactyl). But the usual suspects of the PokeMart, Pokemon Center, Kaiser Soze, and the Pewter City Gym are all accounted for and this is pretty much your test to see if Viridian City taught you anything about navigation. If not, the guy who stands guard of route 3 will not let you move on until you’ve beaten the gym, which will only happen one more time to encourage the notion of challenging the gyms before moving on.

This leads to the gym battle. Here, you fight Brock. Here, you test yourself one final time before going on to the rest of the game. By earning your first badge, you’ve passed the last real test for the “tutorial” section of Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow. This unlocks the rest of the game for you to explore (mostly). Now that you’ve got a badge under your belt, conquered your rival twice (possibly), escaped and survived the dreaded Viridian Forest, and caught and raised a team of dependable Pokemon to get you this far, the game leaves you with a feeling of “I can do this.” That’s the point, to get you mentally prepared to face any challenge. And how do you get rewarded now that you can press on? Well… you can buy a Magikarp for 500 PokeDollars… and then enter a cave filled with Zubats and Team Rocket.

Hm…

Consider those all to be more challenges and tests as you progress through the game. While everything up to Pewter City is just teaching you the basics, the rest of the game is still full of much to learn about the game world and logic behind how everything works. Every big battle is just a test for the next one. Every new environment is just another playground to explore, which the game constantly encourages with discarded items lying about, Pokemon only being in certain areas (legendaries too), and to fight any and every trainer in the game.  Despite all the glitches and simplicities Pokemon seems to have, the easily approachable nature and well-designed tutorial makes for a powerfully strong section of this game to teach and to engage. You get some direction, but only enough to have a vague understanding of what to do. The rest is up for you to figure out.

Need more proof that the game is all about exploration and experimentation? The ability to customize your Pokemon’s moves as much as possible adds credibility to that notion. The Safari Zone is clearly meant to encourage exploration as certain Pokemon can only be found in certain areas (or at least the percentages they appear changes). Exploring also helps lead to legendary Pokemon like Articuno, Moltres, or Zapdos (the last of which is WAY off the beaten path that you may miss it entirely if you don’t go looking for it). Even the HMs allow you to explore areas that you wouldn’t be able to otherwise (which is really the only good purpose most of them have anyway).

Why am I bringing this up? Well, as I may have mentioned in various podcasts and articles before, I don’t really like the generation five games (Black and White) because I don’t feel they capitalize on these two important aspects of the original Pokemon games. Exploring feels especially neutered when the game’s story pulls you along and railroads you from enjoying the world freely like in most previous titles. On top of that, experimentation is somewhat mixed. On one hand, a lot of the risks are removed like Pokemon fainting because healers are all over the place. In addition to that, TMs are reusable so if you use a move on a Pokemon, you can use it again on someone else. No more spazzing out over who to use the ONE Earthquake TM on.

But I suppose, in light of some more playing recently in preparation for generation VI, it’s not that generation V lost all of those original aspects. Like Legend of Zelda, a game that was designed to be as non-linear as possible to contrast with Mario, it was all about exploration without explanation. However, as you can easily see, the titles after that game became increasingly more helpful in aiding the player on where to go and what to do. Making all these games more approachable for newer players and those who are newer to gaming even more so.

Arguably, yes, this still makes the games “easier” and unchallenging to seasoned players who are there for the core exploring and experimenting. But experimentation may not carry the same risks as before, but that’s to allow for more flexibility. Now you can have multiple teams with a guy who knows Thunder or Earthquake instead of only have one (maybe two if you managed to win a lot at the game corner or save a shitton of money). Now you can mess around with movesets without worrying about wasting a TM pointlessly. As for exploring, it’s pulled back a bit, but thanks to post-game content, exploring is there. Plus, the main game doesn’t require needing HM moves except for one spot early on. You can literally go from beginning to beating the Elite Four (sort of) with only a single CUT. Why? Because all the HM required areas are just extra spots for exploration and making shortcuts for return trips. No, I’m still not a fan of generation V, but I can at least admit it tried to do a few good ideas in a few areas.

As for easier, maybe at first glance. But anyone aware of the EV training metagame insanity will tell you that this game has way more complexity than Ash Ketchum would lead you to believe. That’s all for today though as EV training would take too long to really get into here. But I thought this was a great way to share my enjoyment of the first game franchise I ever really played and enjoyed and celebrate 15 years of these awesome alien-like creatures. Here’s to another 15 more. Thank you Marlou for getting me my first game. Thanks to GameFreak and Nintendo for making it in the first place. And thank you for reading this, I guess. Two weeks until gen VI and I can’t wait to get started. 

Games of Gen VII

Here goes my top ten list for games of the seventh console generation. This includes the Wii, PS3, and the Xbox 360. Unfortunately, I don’t own a 360 to play some of their titles. But enough of them were available on PC or PS3 to balance that out so fuck off if that’s really a big deal to you. Because it’s really not a big deal at all to me.

# 10 – Minecraft
 - Regardless of how I talk about this, putting it at number ten is going to piss some people off. But Minecraft, while fun, doesn’t really mean as much to me as the rest of the titles on this list. That said, it offers a lot to video games that really has never been seen before. And, due to its success, we’ve seen a plague of imitators follow suit. Some of which, arguably, are better than the original concept. The point is that this is a game that gave players limitless options for exploration, creation, adventuring, and campaigning with friends. I’ve lost plenty of hours just fucking around in this game making stuff either alone or with friends. I’ve lost just as many hours testing myself to see how long I could survive on the harshest difficulties. Despite all that, I still haven’t really learned how to use red stone. All-in-all, Minecraft is that one unique gem from this generation we should all have at least tried once.

#09 – PayDay2
- This could have been higher on my list but I got dragged down for a few reasons. One, I haven’t had much time to really play it. I’ve played a fair bit, sure, but not as much as I would have wanted by now. Partly because there’s a lot of games that followed  it, and partly because the people I wanted to play with weren’t available or willing to play when I could. But this makes the list for so many reasons. First, a well-designed game through and through with a fun concept and great mechanics behind it. Second, it is basically a blueprint for how to market a game with a proper budget to maximize sales and player base. You don’t need to spend millions on ads on TV when you can just have your already established fanbase tell everyone how amazing it is or is going to be. Also, it shows what I consider to be the final chapter of this generation for games that started the whole co-op FPS trend. It started with Left 4 Dead (a game I wanted to put on the list but ran out of room for) and ends here. And while I’m hoping this isn’t a sign that the next generation will start to dump loads of this gametype everywhere (like we saw with COD clones and WoW clones) I do hope that we continue to see more games of this caliber coming in the future. And I also hope this pushes Valve to step up their game to give more variety and spice to the next Left 4 Dead game… assuming they can count to three.

#08 – Bastion
- Bastion was the first big indie game I tried out because its art style really drew me in. It was like a painting, something that just looked nice but didn’t sport the highest end graphics like many gamers seem to think is a requirement for games anymore and throw a fit when games with high graphics get a score below a 10. But Bastion was more beautiful than most any game this generation (with the exception of Dust: An Elysian Tale) and because it chose to focus on a well-designed aesthetic rather than trying to shove as many polygons into the game as possible (in your face David Cage). But, more than that, it was also fun to play. Simple, yet it had a lot of different ways to approach challenges and make them more challenging. The story was fairly interesting and it really had some touching moments near the end when you get to make a few big choices that help shape what ultimately happens. And it’s a game that sits close to my heart for a lot of personal reasons. Namely the final choice [SPOILERS] boils down to you deciding if you should go back in time and try to prevent the Calamity from happening or keep the world as it is and work to rebuild a new future and society. And, to me, this meant clinging to the past and trying to fix what’s broken or moving forward with life and trying something new. [/SPOILERS] There have been times in my life, recently in fact, when I wish I could have thought about my choices as clearly as I did here. And that’s kind of why it resonates with me so much. Why isn’t it higher? I dunno. I guess I just don’t feel like putting something this small and personal too high up.

#07 – Bayonetta
 - Had it not been for Nintendo, I never would have gotten this game and boy would I have missed out. Because of Nintendo’s lack of decent titles for the Wii, I bought a PlayStation3. And because of Nintendo saying they were getting Bayonetta 2 as an exclusive for the WiiU, I decided to try out Bayonetta (the first) to see if picking up a hot new exclusive would be worth my time. There are a lot of reasons why this game probably isn’t for everybody, but it certainly offers a lot where I would recommend it to anyone who likes video games. Specifically if you like bombastic action games with lots of character, colorful atmosphere, a sexual character who is ridiculously over-the-top, and one of the best soundtracks in gaming outside of my personal favorites Sonic & Mega Man. There is an air of the “it’s too Japanese” vibe on it, but if that’s really a problem for you, then you and I clearly have different ideas of what constitutes a good game. For me, games came from Japan as a kid and the best ones (for the most part) still do. Bayonetta isn’t the top because the game does have its bugs, like how the story is filled with more plot holes than the angels Bayonetta herself shoots up. The combat is good, but the camera didn’t always play fair. The music can get old if you get stuck on a fight for a little too long. But this game had one thing going for it that, again, most games have not touched on yet. That’s the idea of a lead female character that is a fun, confident, sexy character who is capable but not entirely perfect. We’ve seen sexy characters before. We’ve seen sexualized characters before. But Bayonetta, unlike them, was a fully realized character on top of that, and not just some cardboard stereotype. Something women in games have been general incapable of doing in any gaming market (east or west). That scores a win in my book.

#06 – Spec Ops: The Line
- The biggest point this game was trying to make does feel somewhat lost on me since I never bothered to play the Call of Duty or Battlefield games or any other game of the most overbloated and popular genre of the generation. Why? Because they all looked the same from what I saw, meaning they were all practically interchangeable brownish-grey blobs of bullet fests that focused on bringing you a more realistic experience. As you can see from most of my list, realism is irrelevant in my gaming choices as I prefer to enjoy or experience new worlds that AREN’T this one. Because that’s what games SHOULD allow us to do. But Spec Ops: The Line came around and did something I never expected a realistic game to do, be fun…. Sort of. It’s not that Spec Ops is the game you enjoy with buddies on a weekend. It’s more like that dark but beautiful novel that you read alone because the story is so engrossing and it holds a lot of unique ideas that nothing else in the medium has touched on to that level. A story of soldiers fighting a losing battle, of you (the player) being devalued by the game, and of how a soldier can go through PTSD and their world falling apart. It’s dark, it’s brutal, but it’s one of the best games of the generation for going to that level . There are moments where you may end up hating yourself for what you’ve done, but I think it’s an experience that will teach you about yourself and give you a better perspective about war in general. In war, there are no heroes or villains. All there are, are soldiers fighting big battles they may not even want to do or agree with. They may be forced into situations that normal people, like you and I, can’t really handle. The general attitude of Call of Duty or Battlefield, from what I’ve seen, has never given me the impression they convey that side of war. As such, It gets the spot for not only being good, but being a loud and proud response to the CODS and BF games out there.

#05 – Batman: Arkham Asylum
- I debated between this one and Arkham City for a while. Quite frankly, Asylum gives me just a few more things that I want from the Batman-verse that City just wasn’t able to provide. First, Scarecrow, and lots of him. Big sections dedicated to the innerworkings of Bruce Wayne’s mind and getting to see firsthand how that fear toxin can works. It was reminiscent of how the game fucked with the player in Eternal Darkness, but less obvious about it. Second, a tight, linear story that has a reasonable pace and ultimately leads to a satisfying, but not necessarily perfect ending. The ending of Arkham City is, by far, better for what it delivers. But the road to get there was poorly paced because of the open-world nature of the game. I like open-world and I like exploration, but it’s hard to have that function well and still have a plot with events that give the impression that “TIME IS OF THE ESSCENSE”. There are some truly fantastic moments in Arkham City, but the story of Asylum was just better and more restrained. Lastly, Mark Hamill’s Joker… LOTS OF IT! If I could just recast the VOICE of Joker in every form of media to be Mark Hamill’s version of Joker, that would pretty much do it for me in terms of entertainment. Alas, he’s retired now, but Asylum is a great way to remember him by since he has so many different lines of dialogue. But on top of all that has been mentioned, this is one of the first games based on a licensed brand (BATMAN) that has done well in games. It has great mechanics, environments, voice acting, etc, and it has fucking Batman! I know it’s just Assassin’s Creed with Batman instead of Ezio (essentially) but fuck off because this is more entertaining to me.

#04 – Telltale’s Walking Dead
- I was never a big point-n-click adventure guy. But reworking the genre into the way that Walking Dead did it was probably the best thing for the genre to happen in years and it should be something other games follow suit with. It’s a genre that allows for a heavy focus in story telling, but still gives enough interaction to feel like you’re a part of the plot. It even upstages other games with the same QTE/puzzle based gameplay like Heavy Rain (complete garbage). And it doesn’t use the high end graphics to show the best game. It uses a cell-shaded art style based on the comic books of Walking Dead and it fits the game perfectly. And, guess what David Cage! They still express emotions WAY better than anything in your games ever did. Chapter one is a slow start because its function is to be a tutorial. But Chapter two really starts to show you how your actions matter and forces the tough decisions on you that really make you think about what you do, who you trust, and make for one of the most engaging stories of all time. I’m looking forward to the sequel this fall and if you haven’t played this game yet, you are a terrible person.

#03 – The Saints Row Franchise
- While this does include the first game, in a manner of speaking, it is the only one I never got to play. But having played all the others, I can say that Saints Row is the open-world game of choice for the generation. While the maps could be bigger like Just Cause or GTAV, they’re still sizable enough to give you the sense that it’s a real city without being so big that navigation is a pain in the ass. The combat could stand improvements to be more fluid and fun like Sleeping Dogs, but combat isn’t the purpose of the game; it’s causing chaos and senseless murder. In short, Saints Row is what GTA used to be, but more exaggerated and cartoonish. You know, the kind of zaney fun games used to be defined by which has been pushed aside for a focus on realism and seriousness. I’m not saying we can’t have a serious art game or a realistic game now and then, but that’s not what gaming is to me. Gaming is about having fun, getting some laughs, maybe having a good or at least intereting story to follow, and doing what you can’t do in real life. For me, that’s running around dressed like Robotnik smacking pedestrians with my giant floppy purple cock. No other game of this generation has delivered on the same level of nonsensical fun the Saints Row franchise has, and I feel Saints Row IV was the final chapter of that story. I’m looking forward to seeing where Volition goes with the franchise next because it was one of the best rides of this generation. Whatever they make, I will buy… just stop throwing out so much useless DLC costumes when you know all I want is more STORY content.

#02 – Portal
- It’s hard to believe that Portal was actually a part of this generation, not just Portal 2. It’s hard to believe the generation began with such a simple game full of infinite and complex possibilities. It’s hard to think that a game from so early in the generation had such a deep level of writing from the dark humor to the memetic phrases spouted by one of the generation’s greatest villains, GlaDOS. It’s hard to not sigh with fond memories of using the portal gun to solve some of the most challenging puzzles I’ve ever seen in games. Portal2 was nowhere near the challenge the first game was. It wasn’t as quick-witted as the first game was. It wasn’t as carefully crafted as the first game was either. Portal did a lot for this generation, showing that FPS games don’t all have to be about fighting waves of dudes with a machine gun or just all about action. This was all about working around enemies and solving puzzles in a dark and twisted world. Portal 2 is still a great game and had Portal been out only for the Xbox, I would have put Portal 2 in this place instead. But only one gets to make the pass and Portal 1 is the winner. One of the best games EVER made and part of my top five games of all time, there is really nothing better than thinking with portals… but…

#01 – Sonic Colors
- People who know me will shake their head in disapproval, knowing that the blue blur was bound to appear on this list somewhere. Those who don’t know me will probably rage about how I just trolled them or something along those lines and leave an angry comment. But I legitimately consider Sonic Colors to be one of the best games of this generation. Taking the old platforming concept and combining it with the 3D running aspect from more recent Sonic titles to create a more unique gameplay experience. You see, for me, the 3D Sonic games have all been one experiment after another to find the best way to make the best game for the hedgehog. There have been some successes (the Adventure games) and many failures (Shadow, Heroes, 06, Unleashed). But this generation started with the WORST game in the series, Sonic 2006, which I could spend a whole article writing about the problems (and I think I have twice now). And now we’re ending on a high note with Sonic Colors and its follow-up, Generations. Two beautiful games with some of the most fun gameplay I’ve seen for a Sonic title or a platformer in YEARS! I’ve always loved the Sonic series and it’s great to see that such a fun franchise is no longer on death’s door, but back on its feet and ready to enter generation 8 at full speed. You may not like Sonic. Hell, you may even hate Sonic. But there isn’t a game franchise out there I would play over this one… (except for Pokemon, but since they were all on handhelds, they couldn’t be included on this list).

There’s my top ten games of the seventh console generation. You may not agree with it. But that’s because this is MY top ten list of games I personally think are the best or most fun of the generation. Don’t like it? Maybe ask about it in the comment section and we can discuss it further. As for now, I’m getting ready for bed. 

Top Ten Future Pokemon Game Concepts

Pokemon X/Y are just around the corner. And while news is slowing down to probably keep as much under wraps as possible, I still want to talk Pokemon and have some fun speculating the future. But speculating a game that’s about to come out can lead to disappointment. Plus, it gets boring when you know that no matter how much you ask, Nintendo will still refuse to give us a moment to see Misty naked. All that said, here are my top ten games I’d like to see from the Pokemon franchise.

10: Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire Remake

 - Ruby and Sapphire were a part of generation three for Pokemon. And while it was never my favorite game in the franchise, I know plenty of fans are just itching for this game to make a return much like FireRed, LeafGreen, HeartGold, and SoulSilver. I wouldn’t be opposed to it coming out, but given that remakes and relaunches and reboots are in such common occurrence, I’d much prefer a new entry in a concept we haven’t seen in a while or a new concept entirely. Speaking of which…

9: Cabela’s Pokemon Poaching
 - Pokemon, as a series, has always left me with some questions. What do people do in that world for meat? Where do they get their sources of leather? And where are all the guns? Luckily, a team up with Nintendo and American outfitter, Cabela, would certainly answer most of those questions. Simply put, you play a game where you can hunt Pokemon in the wild with a gun. What is done after they are shot would be left to your imagination as I don’t think Cabela’s has ever gone into detail with that in their games. But since an episode of Pokemon was banned (least in America) for having a gun present, I don’t see that happening. Maybe a Rapula’s fishing venture could be a happy middle ground?

8: Pokemon Snap 2: Now With Kodak Digital
- Pokemon Snap was that rare game you see where it takes a concept that sounds boring and actually makes it somewhat engaging. Driving around on rails and catching as many images of Pokemon in the best ways possible to earn the most points. And I know there are PLENTY of fans who loved this game growing up and have been demanding a sequel. My suggestion? Make it off the rails and open world to give us a chance to explore and look for events rather than wait for a pre scripted event to take place on the same usual spot. This could also give more variety for pics and give players a feel more similar to the core games where you can normally explore and walk around anyway. With damn near over 600 Pokemon, maps can be big, greatly varied, and it would be more of a challenge and way more fun to try and tackle that insanely giant number.

7: Pokemon Stadium 3: Battle of Champions
- No, I don’t mean that Colosseum crap or that Battle Revolution bullshit. I mean the exact same build and formula of the original two Pokemon Stadium games, but just expanded to include more content from the latest generations. Generation 5 didn’t have a console game to coincide with the handheld titles, meaning battling in 3D with the current roster of Pokemon is impossible to do. So this leaves the door open for Generation 6 and the WiiU to bring back this classic in all new HD glory. But why specifically Stadium? To bring back rental Pokmon, minigames, the ability to play your handheld game on the TV, battling all the gym leaders and elite four in the stadium, facing the final boss mewtwo, and the flawless and FREE storage system those games offered. This would be much higher if it wasn’t for the fact Pokemon Bank will exist in Generation 6, thus making the biggest benefit of the former stadium games seemingly obsolete. But I still want my damn minigames.

6: Pokemon WiiU RPG Experience (Name Pending)
 - While I was disappointed with Colosseum’s attempt to be a replacement for Pokemon Stadium, it did carve a neat little niche for being the first realized 3D Pokemon RPG. Though it game with severe limitations in comparison to the core titles, it offered up a different way to play the game and a new world to experience. I’d certainly like more of that, if possible, just expanded to include more from the core games.

5: Pokemon GP: Dash to Victory Road
- As some of you may know, I have a fondness for racing games that borders on the line of sexual. And that goes double for racing games that break the mold of being about fast cars on normal race tracks to wacky interpretations of vehicles on damn near everything. I loved Mario Kart and Sonic All-Stars racing on so many different levels. I enjoyed the open world aspect of Burnout Paradise. And, of course, just Sonic games in general. So why not a game where you can pick one of several Pokemon (obviously, don’t have them all available in the game) and ride them in races against your friends to see who can win. Some Pokemon might be faster, but given that it’s Pokemon, allowing you to attack other players with moves like Thunderbolt or Flamethrower to even the odds is a great way to replace item boxes seen in other “gimmicky” racing games. Also, this would likely be a no fly zone. Sorry Charizard. Maybe next time.

4: Pokemon TCG Call of Legends
- If there’s anything I like way too much that isn’t a racing game, it’s a handheld card game. My biggest complaint about collecting shit like Magic or Yu-Gi-Oh was that I’d have to spend ungodly amounts of money to make a deck that was even worth competing with. Then came along about a dozen Yu-Gi-Oh games for the DS and I was pretty much set for life. Access to damn near every card in the game for only $30. The odds of getting the good ones are still the same, BUT now I don’t go bankrupt trying to get them. Back in the good ol Gameboy days, Pokemon also had a TCG on the handheld. Looking back, it looks dated as hell and the cards are from the oldest sets in the game. Certainly a new iteration to this franchise is much needed. If anything, it’d get me back into playing the trading card game that I loved as a youngster in my comfy shorts and I can’t think of much else that would be better than this… except for…

3: Pokemon World or Pokemon MMO
- Aside from probably having a generic name like Pokemon World, a Pokemon MMO would be amazing, and is something fans have been wanting for a long time (myself included). And not a shitty WoW rip off either. I mean a Pokemon game that has access to 24/7 servers to play in a world with every region and every Pokemon that can also be inhabited by other players. Obviously make more cities, regions, and things to do to keep players playing. But the concept is great. It allows for Nintendo to continue expanding the franchise with DLC rather than spend lots of money releasing entirely new games every year or two. It would allow players to face each other more seamlessly than before as well as perform trades on a whim rather than the hassle that the GTS process can be. There would be some drawbacks, however. Legendaries would have to only be seen, and not caught, to get Pokemon data and could likely not be caught since there can be only one and they can’t spawn (unless they choose to change those rules too). And of course the battle system would have to be revamped in some way… and what would be better than..

2: Pokken: Fists of Flame and Passion
- Pokken is actually a concept that is currently being talked about amongst the Pokemon fanbase as something that could be in the works. Teased in a recent game/trade show, there was an image at the end of a retrospective look at the Pokemon series showing Lucario standing opposite Blaziken in a fully animated 3D image. Subtle clues like the fact they’re both fighting types and that a banner in the background uses the fighting-type logo suggests this could be a fighting game. But lack of information or confirmation has left everyone in the dark. But me, I FUCKING LOVE FIGHTING GAMES! I am not the greatest with them, but a game where I can punch and kick the shit out of Pokemon as another Pokemon sounds fucking fantastic. And I also love the idea that if I’m not doing so hot, I can just shoot a flamethrower and see where it goes from there. An idea for this game that would truly help it stand out would be utilizing the leveling system and move lists from the games. Maybe allow players to switch out certain moves for others (or at least their “specials”) to help build different combos. There’s a lot that this could be and I’m hoping that aforementioned teaser is going to lead to a real thing.

1: Rocket Row or Sleeping Growlithe… or maybe GTP: Kanto Wars
- My recent ventures into games like Sleeping Dogs, Saints Row IV, Pay Day 2, and various other criminal games have left me realizing one big thing. I LOVE CAUSING CHAOS AND RUNNING A GANG! Something I’d like to see more than any other Pokemon game (yes, including the MMO and fighter) would be a game where I could play as a member of the dastardly Team Rocket. Clearly, missions could involve things such as stealing Pokemon, strong arming businesses and gym leaders, conducting questionable experiments on Pokemon, looking for rare and powerful Pokemon, robbing Pokemon Centers, and (among many other things) fighting other Pokemon Gangs (like Galactic or Plasma) for control over the regions/world). Now, the only issue here is that Nintendo, much like Jackie Chan, has something against playing a bad guy. Bowser has never been playing in a main game and likely never will be (something Robotnik has beaten him to already). That said, I can think of a way to make it so you (the player, at least) aren’t the bad guy(s). You can either aim for a Saints Row style where you play the protagonist whose goal is to end the gang wars between Magma, Aqua, Galactic, Plasma, and so on by rebuilding Team Rocket and eliminating the rest of them using previously mentioned missions as methods for doing so. Alternatively, aim for a Sleeping Dogs approach where you are actually playing a cop or a Pokemon G-Man (like Lance) and have infiltrated Team Rocket to bring them down from the inside while looking for their leader, Giovanni. Both still have moral ambiguity, but you aren’t out for evil’s sake (as the player anyway). Plus, I just like the idea of seeing the world of Pokemon from a perspective that isn’t the same goody-two-shoes 10 year old that restarts their journey every time 100 new Pokemon are suddenly discovered.

That’s my top ten ideas for Pokemon games I’d like to see in the near or probably long distant future. If you have any ideas for Pokemon games you’d like to see, or want to discuss what has already been mentioned, maybe leave a comment or share with some friends. 

Hyping Up the PokeMans

I wanted to avoid being interested in Pokemon X/Y or as some might know it as, the sixth generation of Pokemon. I played a lot of generation four and loved it, but I might have burned myself out on it before generation five came around. I honestly could not get into generation five. I still don’t necessarily like it, even though, having played more of it, there are a lot of features I DO like and hope they carry over, but plenty I would change or change back for major improvements. That said, I figured with the game only a couple months away and my pre-order hesitantly put in, let me list the top ten reasons why I think the next generation will be the best and most innovative since generation two.

Mega Evolutions, Fairy-Type, Super Training, Trainer Customization, Horde Battles, Mega Mewtwo

10. Sky-Battles

 - The basic concept is that this is a battle that takes place in the air and only flying Pokemon (and I’m assuming those with levitate) can participate. This is an interesting idea and one I’ve always wondered why it has never happened or why we never get to have random encounters while using FLY in game. Surely, we’d encounter a Fearow or something on the way back to Pallet Town and get to fight it and its gang of Spearow like Ash did in the cartoon. Regardless, this is a unique idea. Still have to wonder why non-water Pokemon (and especially FIRE POKEMON) are allowed to fight while we’re on the ocean though.

9. Wonder Trading

 - This would rank higher if more of it was explained, but due to a lack of explanation as to how this works, I’m keeping it low because it sounds like a cool idea, but implemented poorly, it could just be a waste. Wonder Trading, for those who don’t know, is going to be a new trading system where you put your Pokemon up for a trade and you just get some random fucker back. Now, immediately, I assume you’re all thinking the same thing I did, “What about those jerks who put up low level garbage or hax pokemon?” To that end I say, Nintendo and Gamefreak have been working on this for a while and I’m sure they have a system to reduce that issue. All I can say is that I’m hoping more people are mature about it and just use this system the way they are intending us to, and not to simply troll people. But I know that’s asking for a bit much.

8. PANGORO

 - I really wanted to rank Pangoro higher because I’m really psyched that we’re not only getting a new pokemon that looks like a Panda, but he also looks like a complete badass when fully evolved. Not to mention I like the idea of a fighting/dark type as I love me both fighting and dark types (though not as much as my beloved steel types). I’m really hoping this isn’t like Rampardos where the preview images make it out to be a total bad ass and it ends up playing like garbage when the game finally comes out. Regardless, I’m going to catch me one of these bad boys and love it to death.

7. Mounts

 - There’s always been one thing I’ve wondered about the Pokemon games since the beginning. Actually, a lot of things. For example, what do people eat as a meat product? Where are any of the bathrooms? What non-Pokemon related jobs are there in this world? Why can my Charmander still be used in a battle when I am currently diving? Where do ghost Pokemon come from? And, of course, why can’t I ride my Rapidash, Arcanine, or other mountable Pokemon down the street instead of a fucking bike. Well, it looks like this time we’ll get to experience that first hand. Unfortunately, it looks like it might be limited to a couple Pokemon at most, but it’s a start. Someday I’ll get to ride my Arcanine… all night long.

6. Horde Battles

 - This is another one of those things that we still don’t have much information on. But according to what we DO know, this is a battle type that will let players fight up to fight Pokemon at once. This doesn’t explain if we get to use all five as well or what. But I like the idea as it could be an interesting way to level up Pokemon quickly. It could be a unique way to find more rare-Pokemon. There’s a lot of potential ideas coming up here. Plus, it could make battles that would otherwise be easy much more difficult, which I felt was the biggest issue with generation five being too damn easy and constantly holding your hand (removing poison damage outside of battle). I can also see this being something annoying if it happens too frequently or without warning to someone who is ill prepared or just got out of a bad scrape to begin with. If it’s anything like the wild double battles I’ve seen in previous generations, it’ll be limited to certain areas or when traveling with another trainer, which I guess is a start.

5. Mega Evolutions

 - Many will argue this should go higher. But, like many things already mentioned, the information on the “Mega Evolutions” is incredibly limited and we’re not sure what all will happen when in use. There are a few things we do know (or have some idea of anyway). For starters, it looks like it might require the use of a certain item to activate. Secondly, and this might be a mistranslation, but these “mega forms” are temporary and only for battle. I’m hoping that second part isn’t true because I really like the looks of Lucario, Ampharos, Blaziken and a few others and I’d rather just keep them like that all the time if possible. Plus, it is uncertain how big a boost these will be (but you can imagine that if it really is a hassle to use them that it’ll be worth it). Once more information is released, I can only imagine that this will actually become a bigger deal. But I will admit that I like it and I like the designs we’re seeing from it. I can’t wait to actually try this out for myself.

4. Mega Mewtwo!!!

 - I was really tempted to make this number one, but with Mega Evolutions not in the top three, I guess I had to keep him down here instead. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he has the best design in the entire line up of “Mega Forms” but I’ve always loved Mewtwo and I cannot wait to see what kind of monster he’ll be once the mega form is unleashed. That said, while we’re still on the subject of “Mega” pokemon, I just want to say I think the name for them is really stupid. Why not something like “Awakened,” “Unleashed,” “Limit Break,” or just anything else. Just throwing “Mega” to the front of their name is really dumb.

3. Trainer Customization

 - If I learned anything from playing the Saints Row IV Inauguration Station, it is that I have a problem with loving character customization options. I literally could spend a whole day just making characters and have fun. I did that a lot for D&D. Hell, I played a small bit of Sims 3 with an ex-girlfriend and the only fun part was just making the characters with her. Regardless, the next Pokemon games will give a much GREATER degree of player customization and it’ll be great to finally be able to play as something other than a white girl (or dude) in a generally non-white location (like the earlier games and their basis in Japan. I only hope many NPCs will have some pallet, clothing, and style swaps as well for a lot of variety.

2. SUPER TRAINING

 - Another dumb sounding name, but probably the feature of the game I’ll abuse the most unless character customization has a boob-size adjuster as well. Super Training is a collection of mini-games which will allow you to boost up “Effort Values” of Pokemon without the bother of normal EV training. There has not been a confirmation on whether you can only boost with this so much or if you can just substitute normal EV training for this. Either way, this is still a good alternative to raising up speed EVs than having to fight another 100 fucking zubat.

1. FAIRY TYPE

 - You might be asking, of all the game changing features being added, why is fairy-type’s introduction being hyped up so much here? Well, let me tell you, I remember back when Dark and Steel were introduced and they weren’t that big of a deal due to a lack of Pokemon being those types and a lack of good moves being either dark or steel. It wasn’t until the glorious generation IV when these two types started becoming the major powerhouses of today (with some notable exceptions prior to IV). And while I can’t expect the fairy type to enter the metagame with a big boom, I imagine their impact on the metagame and the balance of power among the various pokemon on the various tiers will be significant and I am very much looking forward to this shaking up Pokemon as we know it. This is what I wanted last generation and didn’t get it. It’s about damn time we got a new type to have fun with here.

Yep, over a year ago, I was done with Pokemon and when generation six was announced, only showing a handful of screen shots that showed nothing new other than the 3D models and design, I was admittedly upset with it all. I was bitter about how generation five was for me and how I couldn’t enjoy the good aspects without wading through all the stupid shit that was the really boring story. But with all these new aspects being added to generation six, I think things will be much better than it was before. Having not played a lot Pokemon since dropping generation five, I don’t have to worry as much about being burned out on the experience. I can focus on learning an all new metagame for competitive level play. I can enjoy old favorites like Mewtwo, Blaziken, Lucario, and more getting some new abilities and upgrades. Overall, I’m actually hype for the next generation of Pokemon. It took a while to get here, but I’m glad that there’s enough going on to make me change my mind.

… now if only Nintendo would change their mind on a fucking MMO. Then we’d be in business.

The Cyclical Problem of the WiiU

I was going to write something more open ended and fun that discussed the idea of games being art and why we haven’t gained the same level of respect outside of our gaming community from non-gamers. But because I’m relatively pissed off at some recent news (or more like a recent news trend) I’ll talk about that instead and annoy you with my ranting and raving for a few minutes.

The biggest question that people ask at some point in their life other than “Will you marry me?” is “What came first: the chicken or the egg?” It’s a question presumed to have no real answer, but if you look at the evolution of birds, you’ll see that, in fact, eggs existed long before the actual chicken did. So whatever two animals mated to produce the chicken obvious created the egg first from which the chicken was produced. Thus, the egg had to come first. Others will argue that since it wasn’t a “chicken egg” that said argument is invalid. The chicken had to come first to lay the first chicken egg. But the question wasn’t asking specifically about the “chicken egg” and that’s not the point of this article anyway, so shut up. The point is many things in nature and in life are cyclical in nature and that many things come down to two sides blaming the other for why things don’t happen.

Take the WiiU’s recent lack of games lately. Most publishers/developers (some say one, some say the other) outside of Atlus, Ubisoft, and SEGA have refused to make games for the WiiU for the simple reason that it doesn’t have a large install base. This is a large reason why EA has neglected to bring up any games for the console. This is a large reason why we really haven’t seen many games period for the WiiU despite it being more capable than the current consoles on the market. Now, let’s be fair, there are probably other reasons along with those. BUT the fact remains that this is the reason that companies decide to tell us and, anymore, it’s lost all meaning.

On the flip side, I’ve seen responses to many reviews and articles related to upcoming and already released games on the WiiU. Quite a few always spout the same, “This game sounds great. But I don’t want to buy the WiiU for just one game.” First, the fact I see this on MULTIPLE games already shows that their statement has a huge flaw with it. Second, you realize that there aren’t a lot of great games on the console because of people like you refusing to take a chance and buy it? Again, this is another line of thinking that no longer means anything to me simply because of how often it is brought up in response to “A New WiiU game”.

What we have here is a cyclical relationship. Companies refuse to make games for the WiiU, stating that there aren’t enough people with WiiU’s to justify making it. And we have gamers saying that there aren’t enough games being made on the WiiU to justify buying it. Both HAD a valid excuse, but both are clearly in the wrong and neither is giving in to help fix the problem. I actually got into an argument with one of the people who made the “there aren’t any games for it” argument by pointing out this flaw in logic. But apparently I was alone in my idea because a few others argued against me asking why they should be the ones to take the first step in this issue.

The problem is no one SHOULD have to take the first step because this SHOULD NOT be a problem to begin with. Companies should have been making the games for all the platforms to begin with and then adjust accordingly based on early sales numbers for future releases. Instead, what we’re getting is a failed cyclical problem that neither side is willing to help fix. What’s worse is that this problem doesn’t affect EITHER of them. You know who this actually hurts? It hurts Nintendo because their consoles aren’t selling fast enough for them. It hurts those who publish on the WiiU because while they’re making sales, it isn’t enough to please their publishers. It hurts the gamers who love the WiiU because we aren’t getting all the games we would love to play. And what’s worse is that those of us getting the shit end of the deal can’t do anything about it but complain to those sides to stop doing what they’re doing.

The real shame is that the WiiU is a solid console. From what I’ve done on it, I’ve preferred the WiiU experience over most any other console (save for the Gamecube). I like the idea behind the controller. I like the internet system they decided to go with. I like their virtual console that took forever to set up. Yes, there are faults with it, but it’s vastly superior to the competition at this point and the lack of support from damn near everyone overshadows all the great aspects of it.

But why bother bringing this up? This isn’t news. This isn’t surprising at this point. Well, the straw that broke the camel’s back this time was Warner Bros. recently announcing a multiplayer aspect to the upcoming Arkham Origins game. It seemed pretty cool and I remember thinking, “This could be fun to play with friends mixing the WiiUPad and the TV.” Unfortunately, I may never get the chance to enjoy it because according the WB, the Multiplayer mode will NOT be included in the WiiU because the “Multiplayer Base is too small.” And why do you think that is, WB? Could it be because there aren’t a lot of games released on the WiiU with multiplayer components? Could it be that the ones that are already have games on other consoles and people didn’t want to buy a port of a game they already own? Could it be your logic is completely fucking irrelevant and that you should give us the full game experience or fuck off?

And what’s annoying about that is that Warner Bros, not more than a month ago, said they were in full support of the WiiU and willing to develop games for it. This shows the exact opposite ideal. Sure, they’re developing games for it, but they’re giving the WiiU audience a lesser experience and helping to contribute to the stagnation of growth on the WiiU console’s install base. They’re two-faced (ironically) opportunists that will jump ship the first sign things aren’t looking good for them. I don’t even care about multiplayer features. Especially in a Batman game when they’ve never had or needed multiplayer on those games. If anything, multiplayer would likely detract from the game. What makes me mad is we’re just not getting the full package of the game on the WiiU, yet, you can be sure that we’ll still get charged the full fucking price for the game because that’s how business works. Let’s charge $60 across the board, even though the WiiU owners are missing some features the other consoles will get. No one is going to care.

I was going to buy it for the WiiU, like I’ll buy all my multiplatform releases. Because, as I’ve said, the WiiU is a great console that deserves to get more games for it. But with this news, unless the game is actually cheaper to buy than the other versions, I will just not buy it. I don’t care if I can just get it for PS3 or whatever. I won’t support a company that’s going to tell us it’s our friend one second, and then refuse to give us a helping hand when we need it the next. I’ll buy Arkham City again for the WiiU instead or just some other game entirely. And when I say cheaper, I mean it should be $40 at that point. I know it won’t be, and I’ll settle for the more likely $50 price tag, but for as expensive as I’ve heard multiplayer is, the game should be significantly cheaper based on that knowledge alone.

So, I’ll end with this. Warner Bros, I love you guys because you have done some great things in the past. You published the previous and spectacular “Arkham Games” and you even published the superb “Bastion.” But this is something I won’t stand for, despite the good things you’ve done before. I certainly hope I’m not the only one with this sentiment and that you either get your act together on this one before we’re forced to make the hard decision to not buy what would be an otherwise magnificent game. 

Thing about that new movie you should see

I shouldn’t be spending time writing. I need to be editing videos for my portfolio to show to RoosterTeeth. I need to be cleaning up for a meeting with a friend tonight. I need to shower because I smell like work. I need to play some new games because my Steam Backlog is piling up like an asshole. But something big an important is going on this weekend. It’s not anything that is going to change lives or cure something bad (illness or hunger wise). But being someone who loves good movies and entertainment, it’s important to me and I’m hoping some of you will pay attention, if only for a minute or two.

In the past ten years, name ten original concept movies that have been absolutely amazing?  Can you really think of any? In 2012, the only two movies to make the top ten in domestic gross that were ORIGINAL CONCEPTS (not adaptations, sequels, or remakes) were Brave and Ted and they were beaten by garbage like the Amazing Spiderman (reboot) and Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 (sequel).

In 2011, there were NO original concepts to break the top ten, the closest being Bridesmaids at #14.

In 2010, was a good year with Inception, Despicable Me, and How to Train Your Dragon. (Tangled does not count because it is based on Rapunzel). But they all make the bottom half of the top five.

In 2009, Avatar broke new ground by breaking box office charts EVERYWHERE (thank Christ, even if the story is lifted from many old films like Dances with Wolves, it’s still SOMETHING). Up, Hangover, and Blindside were all original ideas as well (but I think Blindside was one of those “based on a true story” things, so I guess that technically DOESN’T count). But we haven’t had a good year for original concepts in FOUR YEARS!

For comparison, let’s look at 1990 (the year I was born). In that year alone, the top ten movies consisted of Home Alone, Ghost, Dances with Wolves (ironic since I just mentioned that), Pretty Woman, The Hunt for Red October, Total Recall, Dick Tracy, and Kindergarten Cop all in the top ten. You know what else? They were all ORIGINAL CONCEPTS! That’s EIGHT of the TOP TEN movies being something that wasn’t a comic, book, game, or something else first! These are EIGHT movies that managed to start something rather than be a continuation or a reimagining of something else! How is it in 23 years we’ve gone from throwing around new ideas and concepts to constantly relying on sequels, reboots, and remakes?

No, I’m not saying that sequels, reboots, and remakes are all bad. Without sequels, we never would have gotten gems like the Back to the Future trilogy, the Toy Story trilogy, or even the Star Wars franchise! Without reboots, The Incredible Hulk would be remembered as a complete joke of a movie. Without reboots, we never would have seen the awesomeness of Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight. Without remakes, we never would have gotten Peter Jackson’s King Kong. Without adaptations, AVENGERS would never have graced the screens with one of the biggest openings and biggest films of all time!

But through all that, we get mountains of the same boring, tired crap that ceases to do anything new or different, fearing change and innovation entirely. We end up with Fast and Furious 6 and a franchise we’ve supported for over a decade even though original ideas like Paranorman lose out to them in the box office. Or unique takes on unlikely adaptations like Scott Pilgrim get destroyed by garbage like Expendables because it’s too quirky and different and people just want the same generic boring action we’ve gotten since the fucking 80’s.

This week, we have Pacific Rim. An original concept in that it isn’t based on any comic, anime, TV show, or game. It isn’t a reboot or remake of anything we’ve seen before. Yes, giant monsters have existed before. Yes, giant mechs have existed before. But this takes BOTH of those base concepts and tweaks them into something different, fun, and exhilarating here. And it’s up against Grown Ups 2. A shitty Adam Sandler movie that will pretty much use the same kind of humor as every other shitty Adam Sandler movie (note, that’s EVERY Adam Sandler movie). So it’s not a battle of monsters versus mechs, but a battle of new creative ideas versus same tired trends. And while I loved Pacific Rim and will likely see it again soon, I am a little nervous that it will lose out. Why? Because Expendables and Expendables 2 beat out the vastly superior films of Scott Pilgrim and Paranorman respectively. And if that’s really what pulls people to the box office, then how can I have faith in something like Pacific Rim going any differently?

And it’s a real shame too because it’s a movie that’s just as fun to watch as Avengers was because it knew what kind of movie it’s trying to be. It’s a shameless, simple, and fun cartoon set in the “real world.” That’s what both films essentially are. They take concepts and ideas from cartoons and comics and put them on the big screen in live action for us to enjoy. But rather than weigh it down with seriousness or realism that comes with many action films (the Nolan movies, and most cynical action films elsewhere) they decided to say “fuck it, let’s keep these movies lighthearted and fun.” And that’s something else we don’t see very often in films either. Outside of Wreck it Ralph and Avengers, most films I enjoyed came off as serious and sullen with heavy messages or ideas. And while that’s not bad, I’m in the mood for simple, colorful fun once in a while, and movies that provide that are far apart and few between.

Also, we don’t get to see giant mechs and giant monsters in movies all that often. Looking at the charts on BoxOffice Mojo, the last movie to come out with robots fighting was Real Steel back in 2011. But for actual MECHS (giant machines people are riding in), I don’t really see anything on this list. Iron Giant is close, as is Transformers (even if they are kind of shit), but that’s it. So, really, Mechs haven’t gotten into mainstream film at all and that’s pretty shit since I’ve seen some original ideas for Mech-based stories that are very entertaining. A personal favorite being MegasXLR from CartoonNetwork (CHECK IT OUT!)

On the monster-side of things, the last big monster movie we got was… technically the remake of The Thing, but that’s not the same kind of monster movie as Pacific Rim… you know, GIANT FUCKING KAIJU! For that, we go ALL the way back to Cloverfield… you guys remember Cloverfield, right? We didn’t even really get a good look at that monster in that movie… and that was back in 2008. Before that… it was… either The Host (which didn’t get as wide a release) in 2007, Peter Jackson’s King Kong (which also really isn’t in the same bracket since giant apes aren’t really kaiju), and the American version of Godzilla in 2000… which most of us are trying to forget.

Both genre’s are ignored for the same pointless, shitty action flicks and comic book adaptations. No, I’m not complaining about the comic book movies (I like those still). But when an opportunity for something new to come around and break the cycle of repetition we’ve gone through for YEARS, then I’ll jump at the chance to go for it. I’ll support unique movies, ideas, and fun concepts we don’t see much of. Plus, if this is successful, it opens up the door for other big mech movies to get made! It means the Godzilla movie they’re talking about for next year has a chance of being made! It means that we have a new (or I guess return to) a genre we haven’t seen much of, giving us a wider variety of films (hopefully) to work with.

I get it. Some of you are probably busy with work, school, family, kids, wives, girlfriends, Call of Duty (fuck off, btw), or masturbation. And, you know what, that’s fine. All those things come first (except those last two maybe). But when you get time, and if you have the spare money, go check this movie out. Every dollar this movie makes will help make Hollywood and the films coming from it less shit. And you get a fun 2 hour movie out of the deal. To me, that’s a win-win and I don’t see why anyone else would think otherwise.