Personal Post: A Not 100% Serious Idea to Start a Religion/Church For Money

Yeah. Back with a post here. Since it isn't a review or a discussion that fits with what E-Vac Station was specifically made for and is more personal... yeah. Posting here. 

So I got to thinking recently about my job-scenario and how finding a replacement job or a second job has been insanely difficult/tricky. And here’s a solution I came up with that I think will work to everyone’s benefit.

I was driving down the road earlier today and I passed by a church. That’s when the idea popped into my head, I could start up a church. They rent out space to people for money. They get paid in donations from people who believe and like the cause. And they help the community. Plus, it’s tax-free! There really isn’t much downside to the work or the functionality of it. There’s just one catch. A church has to promote an idea or philosophy that people will latch onto. So the question becomes, what kind of church would it be?

I got to thinking about the big religions. Christianity is out right away. It’s not that I think they’re wrong or anything. But Christianity is like prime time cop dramas, they’re everywhere and that seems to be the only thing you can find. The market is saturated with Jesus and it seems unwise to jump into that kind of competition with at least ten other churches that push the Jesus message within just the downtown area alone. It’d be like opening up another auto-parts place down the road from where I live. There’s already at least three just on that street corner alone. Another one is just doing to make it harder for all the businesses there to get by and then everyone’s out in terms of making ends meet.

And as for different denominations of Christianity, I feel like that would just be a bad mistake. Catholicism is just a ridiculous game of Simon Says with the kneeling, cookie & wine consumption, and confessionals. Granted, that new Pope is making Catholicism look more appealing. But that’s after decades of child-molestation charges and I’m not liable to forget about those incidents anytime soon. I’d hate to be accused of that malarkey. Plus you can’t get married or have sex at a certain level (pastor, I think). Granted, I’m not having sex now and haven’t for a while, but I’m also not eating a pizza at this very moment either and I wouldn’t sign up for a religion that restricts me from eating pizza.

Mormons would also be a bad choice for me. Granted, I like how imaginative they have shaped their version of Christianity (and it is Christianity because they believe Jesus was the messiah, get over it). And I like the idea about space-God and harems of women. But then you get to the more racist and sexist attitudes in the lore and you start to feel dirty about the whole idea. These ideas may not be held up in modern Mormonism, but that doesn’t change the fact these were the foundation blocks for what it is today and I find it hard to believe that ALL of these ideals have been wiped clean from their system.  

What about Judaism? They promote pretty gnarly facial hair, have wild wedding parties, and (if what I’ve been told is true) they don’t really believe in the concept of Hell (at least not how the Christians think of Hell). That last point alone makes me think they’d be a much more uplifting group because then I wouldn’t have to spend an entire sermon telling a hundred people about how everything they did this week will result in them going to Hell. Did you know we’re technically not supposed to go to the bathroom?

Course, there are some problems with Judaism. There have a lot of strict rules and codes to live by that I don’t think I could uphold very well, even more so if you go Orthodox. Personally, I would rather be Unorthodox so I could still pork it up, if you know what I mean… (EATING BACON). Oh, wait, was that supposed to be a sex joke? But it’s more than just the rules. Historically speaking, Jewish peoples have been shit on more times than I think nearly any other religion (modern or otherwise) from Egypt to Rome to Hitler. I’m not sure when the next crazy Anti-Semitic fascist will rise up and try to kill them again, but I’d hate to be a Rabbi to wake up one morning to find my Synagogue has been burned to the ground.

The last of the big mainstream religions is Islam, which is the most recent iteration of the Judaism to Christian line of religions. And… I’m just going to say no upfront. This isn’t a racist thing, but a logic thing. I’m sure people of the Islamic faith are perfectly great people (in general). But considering the fact that the Middle East and the Islamic faith are kind of a hot-button issue (and have been for a while), I’d rather just keep myself out of that entire situation as much as possible. It’s like when you see a fight going down and there’s already a good number of people involved. The last thing you should really do is try and jump in, thinking you’ll make a difference. Best you can hope for is that you only leave with one black eye.

So if the big-three are out (for various reasons) what’s left?

Buddhism is one I’ve always admired simply for the fact it isn’t asking for you to give into a higher power and believe that it can solve your problems or that it has a plan for you. Instead, it asks you to look within yourself to solve your own problems. It teaches you that life is what you make of it and asks you to reach your highest potential with self-reflection and meditation. It’s a very humbling but interesting way of doing things that I’m all in favor of.

That being said, I’m trying to open this “church” in America. One of the laziest countries in the world (and in Iowa, no less). I barely want to do anything. What are the odds I’d be able to encourage others to improve themselves through will-power alone? Again, I really like the philosophy behind it and think that kind of logic would do wonders for people who have issues believing in their own abilities, but I’m willing to bet this is a very small and narrowed market in terms of religious practices.

Another big one, though for different reasons, would be Scientology. Now, I’m not going to lie, I actually am unclear in what they believe in. From what I gather, Tom Cruise is their messiah, drugs are bad (all drugs), aliens are real and they will kill us, and you have to pay upfront to learn pretty much anything about this religion. Now, I think Scientology CAN have a place and purpose, but I think that, much like the Protestants did with Christianity to Catholicism, I think Scientology needs a more logical and grounded denomination that tries to step away from the couch-hopping-conspiracy-freaks that this “religion” is known for.

So if I were to start up a new denomination for Scientology, I would certainly push for version where we contemplate the future and what is needed to help advance us in that direction. We want flying cars and jetpacks, damn it. This is supposed to be Jetson’s era, but we’re still living life like we’re in Family Matters. We would not worship technology, but look to how it can benefit us now and how we can improve our lives and the lives of others with modern conveniences that so many either don’t know about or take for granted. We’d also stop thinking that aliens are out to kill us because if they were, we’d already be dead. … They’d still have to pay upfront of course. Costs of starting this new denomination and what-not.

Sadly, Scientology has a really bad taste in most people’s mouths so maybe something else. How about something old that hasn’t really been mainstream for a while (go all hipster-religious). Oh, you know what’s really popular right now? Thor! What if we bring back and modernize Nordic beliefs and start up a church of Odin? People would be immediately curious because of the movies and want to see what it is. We’d tell tall tales about the Norse Gods and teach good moral lessons while feasting (because you have to feast). If they like what we discuss, they’d come back for more. Plus you could make each day its own special event. Celebrate Thorsday with an evening assembly. Join us Saturday for discussions about Loki. And if you come on Friday nights, we’ll screen Iron Man for free. BYOP (Bring Your Own Popcorn).

Actually… hold that thought. Why use a religion at all? Just think for a second. Religious stories (like those from the Bible or whatever else) teach moral lessons in the guise of fables passed down for generations (LOTS of generations). But you know where I learned concepts like responsibility? Spider-Man. What about the concept of standing up for your beliefs? Captain America. The concept of not letting your emotions control you? Incredible Hulk. The concept of being honest and seeking the truth? Superman (technically, Phoenix Wright, but I’ll give this to Supes). Comics (and geek media in general) are full of life lessons that are taught in the Bible (and other religious texts), but instead of being preached as “THE TRUTH” like in some religions (looking at you Christianity) they’re obviously fictional stories. But the people with common sense can see that the lessons are no less real because of this. Hm…

Okay. So what if I start a religion that tells these kinds of stories in the hopes of pushing people to treat others with respect and not judge them for their appearances or perhaps special talents they have by preaching them the stories of X-Men? What if I tried teaching them that obsession and revenge will only isolate you and keep you from finding happiness with stories of Batman? What if I tried to promote stories that feature strong female figures for young girls to look up to like Captain Marvel or Wonder Woman? That last one would actually mean a lot given how you don’t really hear about strong and prominent female figures in MOST other religions for MOST of the stories they tell.

Of course the discussions could be further expanded to include other books, games, movies, anime, and so much more. Because this newfound religion would have a single goal of being as inclusive as possible because that’s what being a geek or nerd should be about. It was once an isolated group that was pushed away and bullied into a corner. But now that the media has favored the stories and culture of that demographic, those of geek/nerd media should stand together to more people together to share ideas and expand our ways of thinking beyond which console is better or which company is better or even which hero is better. Because it’s not about being the best. It’s simple about what can be learned from the material put before us and how can we use those lessons to make ourselves or the next generation of people better.

Actually, I like this idea. I’m going to seriously look into this.