Ubisoft

I have/had two other topics in the works that I intended to write and release before this one. Unfortunately, Ubisoft wanted to do a dumb and now, much like EA, I have to talk about it and make a point why Ubisoft is a bad gaming company on the same vein as EA. Only difference is EA is really big and really stupid and everyone knows it. Ubisoft, on the other hand, is stupid, but it doesn’t come off as obvious until you’re on the end of a deal where they leave you high and dry. This is only happening more frequently recently with the release of Assassin’s Creed IV.

Let me start out by saying I used to think Ubisoft was alright. The Prince of Persia games, especially the Sands of Time trilogy, are some of the most fun games ever. They’re also the publishers behind Trials and Trials Evolution. I’ll buy more of THOSE games in the future if done right because those have all been positive experiences for me in one way or another. No leaving a console I like in the dust. No bullshit DLC. No yearly release and not changing a damn thing. No forced online content… for one of them anyway, but the other at least makes sense. These are games that Ubisoft has done right and I wish they’d take a step back and look at these games.

Recently, Ubisoft released ZombiU on the WiiU (a year ago) and it was one of the best launch games I’ve ever seen for a platform to date. It was a true survival horror game with some unique ideas behind it. Unfortunately, the rumors of a possible sequel or follow-up of any kind were axed by Ubisoft entirely. They kept insisting they would support the WiiU and Nintendo. But that was a lie as well.

Ubisoft was going to release Rayman: Legends to the WiiU as an exclusive to help give the WiiU some titles to hold it through its first year. That would have been great… and then they delayed the game. The reason? To make versions for the other consoles as well. The WiiU version was finished. It could have been released while the other two were released later in the year. Instead, they delayed it for no reason and made it multi-platform, screwing out the gamers on the WiiU of a unique game they could enjoy MONTHS ago.

Now Ubisoft is releasing Assassin’s Creed IV on all platforms, which isn’t the problem. The problem is that they are NOT releasing any of the DLC for the game on the WiiU either. At least that was the first announcement we heard a week ago. There’s no reason why the WiiU shouldn’t be able to get it, but it isn’t. I don’t like DLC (thanks to Saints Row IV) but I know plenty of people find it worthwhile and there are plenty of gamers on the WiiU that fall into that group. But, not only that, the DLC won’t be coming to either Xbox console either. The DLC will only be a Playstation exclusive. I’ve never seen that before. Exclusive DLC for a console.

Clearly, Sony cut Ubisoft a deal that was worth it to make this happen, but I have to ask why they felt cutting two-thirds of the gaming population out sounded like a good idea when this went down. WiiU, I can sort of understand since every developer/publisher finds the small amount of people who have bought it to not be worth it (even though it is and they can shove a rusty pipe up their bum). But I’m surprised they were willing to give up the very large Xbox audience on this deal. That is EA levels of stupid risk that I’ll never understand.

But why would Sony want a deal like this? You might ask. Because Sony only has a couple of “worthwhile” exclusives that people give a shit about. They don’t have Nintendo’s massive back catalog of exclusive characters. They don’t have a Halo, Gears of War, or Rare. They cut off so many ties to their older and better exclusives like Spyro, Crash, Silent Hill, and Metal Gear and are just stuck with Uncharted, inFamous, and God Of War (all of which are kind of played out anymore). So it seems to me that Sony is just desperate for more exclusives to help push more consoles, even though most unanimously agree it is the better of the two upcoming consoles to get. I don’t see how this really “benefits” Sony in any way. I know it doesn’t benefit Ubisoft in the end at all.

So, in the end, I’ve decided to just give up on Ubisoft for the most part. If a new Prince of Persia comes out that isn’t tied to a fucking movie, I might give that a shot because that might be worth it. If a new Trials game comes out, then I’m up for more insane dirt biking action. But that’s it at this point because they’ve managed to fuck up just about everything else. And if they do release a new IP that looks promising, it’s going to be a WiiU purchase or nothing. But they should count themselves lucky, I’m just not buying EA period, which is definitely a step up for them. 

Movies, TV, Toons, and Games... Random Thoughts from Random Me. :D

Typing a new random entry to my not-so-private online journal… thing…

I’m not sure what to talk about given the fact I’m really sore and really tired and my head (brain [mind {noggin’}]) is not really thinking straight. That said, I will give it a shot. What’s more, I will attempt to do so without going into the subject of video games (maybe [possibly {probably not <BRACKETS>}]).

The newest trailer for Captain America: Winter Soldier was released a scant few days ago. Keeping this part of the entry short and to the point, it looks like it has the potential to be the best post-Avengers film Marvel has in the works (currently). Thor: Dark World looks impressive, but I’ve read a lot about trouble production and I have to wonder if a solo Thor movie can overcome the hurdle the first film had (i.e. being too weird for non-comic fans to really get and not being popular enough amongst comic fans to make big numbers). That said, with the internet having an obsession with Tom Hiddelson’s Loki and with almost every woman I’ve met having an obsession with Thor (and/or his abs), I think it’s safe to say that Thor 2 will do better than its predecessor, and I’m interested to see by how much.

All that said, Captain America 2 (Cap2) looks pretty damn good. First off, the screenplay has already been given blessing from the original writer of the Winter Soldier story line from the comics. For those who don’t follow comic book news, this is not a very common occurrence (see Watchmen). So right out of the gate, we have a good idea that the writing is REALLY good. On top of that, the trailer itself sold the movie as a James Bond/Jason Bourne style spy movie, but all in the dressings of a big super-hero action film with one of the Avengers in it. I’m not great at math, but, to me, that adds up to a lot of good ideas rolled into one excellent sounding piece of film. Unlike the rest of the Avengers cast, Chris Evans seems to be the most willing to jump back into another film without really caring about pay. I’m not knocking RDJ or Chris Hemsworth on that regard, but it is nice to know that there isn’t any politics behind the scenes that may lower the overall quality of the film.

To sum that part up, Thor 2 is out next week and I’m looking forward to seeing it. And that will be followed up with Cap2 coming out just before my next birthday by two days. So, yeah, very much excited.

With the new season of TV started, there’s only four shows I’m really following because the rest either stopped for whatever reason or because they don’t resume until January. Once Upon a Time has taken a strange turn where everyone is on an island trying to find Henry, who has been kidnapped by Peter Pan. Oh, did I mention this was in fucking Neverland? It’s been a somewhat slow season, mostly building up the characters and their relationships, but it all comes off as rather expected. Hook wants to bone Emma. Charming doesn’t respect Hook for that or for his piracy (sounds a lot like EA). Snow hasn’t really done much other than preach about hope and being annoying. Regina is… being Regina. And Emma is the glue holding this mismatched crew together. We’ve seen a little of Rumple, but not enough to really keep me all that interested. Even worse is the fact that he keeps having these moral dilemmas about trying to help instead of just taking action. I get he’s torn about saving his grandson given the whole prophecy thing mentioned rather last minute to the audience to build tension. BUT we don’t need to spend multiple episodes with his indecision. Then again, I’m that guy who gets frustrated when someone at work takes longer than five seconds to tell me what the fuck they want for food.

Another show I’ve been regularly watching is Agents of SHIELD, which is Marvel’s attempt to make a TV series tied to their movie verse for some transmedia action. So think Pokemon, but with less focus on marketing to children… actually, it’s pretty much the same fucking thing. Credit to Marvel for at least making the show have good production costs behind it, making it look really good is important since everyone will actively be comparing it to how the movies look. That said, I just wish the story was a bit better. The first few episodes really drag on and don’t really get to anything interesting all that quick. Admittedly, I was happy to see the episode about Graviton… only to be disappointed it was nothing more than an origin story. However the last two episodes were surprisingly good and I’m hoping the series will only go uphill from here. Now if only we could get a decent live-action X-Men TV show, then everything would be right with the world.

Thirdly would be Modern Family, which I suppose doesn’t really count since it’s a sitcom and we all know plots of a sitcom generally end with a “reset” before going on to the next pointless episodic venture. But Modern Family is part of the more recent trend of “smarter sitcoms” like Community and The Office where the general idea is to remain episodic, but the characters do change, grow, and “evolve” over time to make it seem less fictional than it really is. And this season has some of the best writing and acting for Modern Family yet and I’m really enjoying where it’s going right now.

Lastly, we have Walking Dead which is the last of the new season to start off, probably to let those of us who watched Breaking Bad get over the fact our favorite show is over. Hate to follow up that stellar act with an agonizingly slow and insipid show… OH WAIT! Much to the credit of this season, Walking Dead did hit the ground running (lol) by throwing in a new plot twist about an infection that kills people, which then means they’ll come back as zombambos. It’s interesting, but since we all know who the highest paid actors are, it’s pretty obvious who WILL survive. Though I think it’d be fucking ballsy, and thus, impressive to kill off Rick and Daryl this season. I’m not wanting the show to do that, but I think it’d be impressive. Do what Dark Knight Rises lacked the skill and metaphorical balls to do. But we’ll see if this series manages to stand out from the previous seasons. … Oh, and there’s some red herring plot thread about the Governor from the previous season still being alive… which he probably isn’t. So can we stop throwing out hints that he might still be alive… because he isn’t. And if he is, this show is more bullshit than I thought. Then again, I just watched an episode where a guy was swarmed by a horde of those rotted motherfuckers and the camera (and group) left that scene, only to have him show up minutes later having escaped. No bites. Nothing. So if any show specialized in bullshit, it’d be this one.

Outside of the big shows listed above, I’m also following RWBY, Red Vs. Blue Season 11, The Gauntlet and Legend of Korra. All three of which are genuinely superior to the above shows in a lot of ways.

RVB11 is using this season to pretty much hit the reset button. It wrote off one of the most pivotal characters last season AND one of the most interesting new characters to boot. So the teams have to adjust, the plot has to slow down a bit, and the humor has to return in spades to make up for that tonal adjustment. There have been moments of depression and grief, especially in one of the more recent episodes where Caboose comes to terms with Church being gone (spoiler). But a new plot development (new characters suddenly appearing and needing an explanation) has occurred and I’m looking forward to tonight’s episode to see how the fuck that’ll play out.

RWBY, another show from RoosterTeeth (who has been hitting it out of the park lately), is a series about these anime girls with the coolest weapons ever conceived attending a school to learn about combat, magic, history, and other various bullshit to help fight monsters and protect people from monsters. So think Harry Potter crossed with Yu-Gi-Oh GX and you… really have nothing like it. I’m sure a similar premise has been hit on another anime I haven’t watched, but it’s also one I don’t care about. The writing is… interesting, though there are moments where I have to wonder what the point to a scene or action was. The fight scenes are some of Ouym’s best work to date. And the voice acting is some of my favorite yet. Can’t wait to see how this first season ends. Regardless, going to buy that blu ray.

The LAST RoosterTeeth series, and the most recent to start back up, is The Gauntlet. This season already better than last season with the idea of making Joel Heyman the co-host who steals the spotlight from Burnie on a regular basis. Absolutely perfect. Did I mention there’s an episode where the teams do a race through multiple Sonic games? If not, there’s an episode where the teams race through multiple Sonic games and it is probably the single greatest thing ever. Mostly because the two teams I wanted to win did AND Miles Luna (creator of RWBY and current writer for Red Vs Blue) is apparently a huge Sonic fan… Could he be any more awesome?

Lastly, there is Legend of Korra. I didn’t hide my criticism last season. I complained about the lack of deep characterization. I complained about how there wasn’t enough focus on the Avatar training or the war with Amon. I complained about how we didn’t get to see enough of adult Aang and friends. I complained about a lot, basically. Not that it was “bad” by any stretch of the imagination. It was just weaker than what Last Airbender had delivered only a few years ago and made it look so effortless. Korra, however, felt like a lot of effort was being put into the show, only to have the seams be all to visible.

Season two, however, has taken all those complaints and threw them into a roaring fire. We still don’t really get much Avatar training or Adult Aang. But the characterization here is definitely improved a bit and the pacing doesn’t feel like a constant rush to make sure every important plot point is made before rushing into the final boss who is kind of a letdown. How so? Well, for starters, there are TWO villains this season, both with similar goals (control and domination) but with two VASTLY different methods to get there. I won’t spoil who they are, as the reveal for one of them is almost too good to want to spoil. I will say I have a new favorite character within the entirety of the Avatar mythos, and that would be Vareck… the rich dude who is probably one of the most insane and ridiculous people I’ve ever seen yet… just watch the show and you’ll see why.

But it also is nice to get some back story onto the spiritual side of Avatar, something that was prevalent in Last Air Bender, but didn’t need as rich of details or backstory since Aang already understood the spiritual side of the Avatar. Korra needed the explanation and to see the history so she could fully understand it, and by extension, us. The two-part episode featuring the first Avatar was probably some of the best storytelling from that show, to date. I can’t wait to see where it goes from there.

Anything else… oh yes… BATMAN! There’s a new video game for Batman now, Batman: Arkham Origins for the WiiU, PC, and other systems that are largely irrelevant (to me anyway). I can safely say that I want it (because it does look really good). But I can also safely say that I’m more than willing to wait for a lower price or getting it as a gift. Jim Sterling (Destructoid reviewer whose opinions I generally can get behind most of the time) gave it a 3.5/10. His complaints boil down to a lot of technical problems, the new stuff being boring and the old stuff being just more of the same, AND the whole endeavor feeling like a cheap WB cash-grab. His evidence on the last bit? The announcement of DLC when the game was announced (not at launch, on announcement). The fact that a multiplayer mode was shoehorned into a game that has largely been successful as a single player experience. The inclusion of very lower tier Batman villains all in samey fights with no real creativity (like what Arkham City had). The fact that we’re dancing around in a prequel rushed out before the holidays to make sure WB gets that sweet holiday cash without considering the fact that rushing it would lower the quality.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to get it. I want to play it. I want to like it. But a lot of the evidence mentioned in regards to this being more about WB making money and less about them making a good game reminds me a lot of the Assassin Creeds. Namely that while I think the games look cool and fun, I genuinely don’t want to spend money on them because I just don’t like how Ubisoft does business anymore. Rushing out yearly releases of games, adding more multiplayer, Uplay, their indifference to their “good relationship” with Nintendo, and the focus on making games to function more as DLC delivery packages rather than shipping out whole games.

After buying and playing the absolutely depressingly short DLC for Saints Row IV, I’ve come to the conclusion that I will not buy DLC for a game anymore UNLESS it provides a purpose to the game in story (any Skyrim DLC) or in gameplay (Fire Emblem Awakening DLC). I’m not wasting money on $10 DLC bundles only to get an hour of story or a shitty 5-costume/weapon bundle. EARN that extra money with good content. Don’t just expect it because you think I have to have costumes where I can dress as hillbillies, presidents, and Johnny motherfucking Gat.

What was I talking about again… Oh, right, Not getting Arkham Origins for a while. Looking forward to Sonic Lost Worlds tomorrow. Also Walking Dead Season Two (TellTale’s game, not the vastly inferior TV show) is getting some kind of announcement tomorrow. Hopefully  a release date (or just a release). Still need to pick up Wolf Among Us because that looks fantastic. The year is coming to a close soon and the number of games I give a shit about is winding down. I already have ideas for 2013 GOTY, but we’ll see if anything else comes out to surprise me. 

Super League4Dead Party IV: Ultimate Edition

(ignore typos and perhaps some rambings. wrote before going to sleep and didn't spell check or reread... probably many more errors than I'd care to admit). 

Tonight isn’t a personal entry. Sorry for those who thought I’d keep that up a little longer than a single issue. For those interested, still in a relationship, still have the car in the shop, still work at a shitty job, and still talking about video games. So, nothing changed, no reason to discuss most of that.

Today, I’m talking about video games, but not in the usual way I do or about the games I usually talk about. Today I want to discuss the latest bit of news surrounding eSports, ESPN, and League of Legends.

For those who know me, you know that I really don’t like League of Legends. I don’t hate it in the same way I hate Final Fantasy in that I think it’s given too much love and attention from too large a group of people who think its god’s gift to humanity… because it isn’t any of those things. It’s actually kind of dumb. If I had to compare these to mives, Final Fantasy is on the same level as Amazing Spiderman in that it looks nice and has small bits that are fine, but overall it does a lot of things I’m just not happy with or would rather not have in my video games (like full length movies in place of gameplay). League of Legends, on the other hand, is more like Public Enemies. Not necessarily a bad movie, and it may even be a well-made movie with lots of good actors and technical bits. But it’s just so boring that I can’t stand to really sit around it for more than a couple minutes before I want to watch something else more stimulating.

In fact, let me go further. Most of you know how much I love Achievement Hunter and RoosterTeeth. Any game they play, I’ll typically watch, regardless of game, because no matter how boring it might be, they tend to make it fun in some way. While I found Gears of War visually dull and vapid, their comedy was at least enough to give the video itself some kind of life. Their League of Legends video on the other hand… watching it was absolutely boring as fuck and minimizing it to do something else and only listening to the audio, it’s not terrible, but it’s certainly the least stimulating Let’s Play in their playlist. Yeah, if these guys, who are genuinely entertaining everywhere else can’t make League of Legends interesting to me, then I simply don’t give a fuck. Maybe the Two Best Friends can try their luck with it, but I’m doubtful.

Fine, Aaron, but what’s all this have to do with anything? You don’t like League of Legends, who cares? I just wanted to establish that first before I get into my next bit of information and the opinion of that.

An HBO series “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel” will be doing a behind the scenes look at League of Legends. What’s this mean? It means either HBO, and by extension most of television, have nothing worthwhile to show on TV anymore now that Breaking Bad and any other good show is over… OR The majority of the sports world (at least the very commercial and business side of it) had decided to make eSports, mostly League of Legends at the moment, part of the sports discussion. Or, to put it simply, games on a competitive level are now considered to be sports on some level.

Before I get too deep into this, yes, this is considered a win overall. Games are finally being recognized by those outside the fanbase as something other than just toys. There are people out there taking these things “seriously”. But… if that’s the case… why am I not excited by this? Why do I have a somewhat unpleasant feeling about all this? A part of me thinks it stems from this being solely about League of Legends, and that might play a large part of it. But I think there’s more to that.

For me, I don’t really view games on a competitive level. When I play with friends, I prefer working as a team. If I have to do a competitive game or game-type, I typically don’t play it seriously and just fuck with people. Example, in Halo multiplayer, I usually give up on the shooting aspect of the game within the first couple minutes, find a vehicle, and just waste time racing around in circles, maybe hitting people if I feel so inclined. In fighting games, I generally only play as joke characters or things I find amusing or broken in some way rather than a conventionally “good” character because I’m in it for fun.

When not playing with friends, I generally just don’t play with people. I have never liked gaming online because I’ve viewed it as a hassle. First, I have to have a solid internet connection, which I’ve never really had most of my life. Second, I have to play with a person or group of people who are decent at the game and not assholes for me to even come close to enjoying it. Third, there’s an uneasy pressure in having to play better with them so as to not ruin THEIR enjoyment of the game either. But, and most importantly, in playing multiplayer, I can’t sit back and enjoy aspects of the game I might otherwise appreciate. I can’t enjoy small quirks in the level design as much. I can’t look for hidden Easter Eggs or read the referential bullshit on a wall or some other spot on the map.

See, the difference between me and those who play eSports are vastly different. They play games to compete and show dominance. I find that boring and would rather play games to explore worlds, invest in deep interactive stories, and explore the larger and more interesting side of gaming that is its artistic side. I feel games are the best medium to tell stories and really connect with the audience. And I think a part of me is just disappointed, and maybe even somewhat upset by this new eSports development. Why?

Let’s face it, when companies find something that makes money, they don’t just stop with that one thing. They rebrand it, remake it, repurpose it, clone it, copy it if it wasn’t theirs to then hope for the same level of success, and so on. Need proof? Call of Duty is the most popular or at least most profitable franchise in gaming (though GTA5 might have changed that recently). With Call of Duty’s success, the gaming market then became oversaturated with FPS games, and a large number of them being about modern warfare and fighting terrorists. Why? Because everyone wanted to make the same money as Call of Duty.

And, in my mind, I can see that same thing happening here with League of Legends. It becomes popular and profitable enough to get regular spots on TV (free advertising essentially), which helps grow the player base EVEN MORE. This allows them to rake in MORE money the more exposure it gets. Then actually having big competitions on TV would clearly get them lots of advertising money. And I fucking guarantee EA is already working on their League of Legends rip-off simply to get in on this action for themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that games I like will come to an end to be replaced by this utter nonsense. But, looking at the way gaming is now, we are certainly heading a direction very similar to that.

Examples? FEAR was a single player experience that focused on telling a horror story. F3AR became a co-op experience in which two players collect points and achievements in a haunted house, one with guns and one with superpowers. Dead Space was a single player game that focused on telling a horror story in space. Dead Space 3 became a co-op experience in which two players go through a microtransaction-optional exploration of a big space-thing that reminds people of Lost Planet a bit. What I’m saying is games are starting to lose their unique flare for solo experiences and “great” story telling ALREADY because of this need to make them all co-op, multiplayer, or something other than what they were originally designed to be. Hell, look at SimCity, a game in which you build cities in your own little world for your own amusement. Then look at the newest SimCity which required online play to play a game that is effectively a single player game with the only online feature being that you can look at other people’s cities and connect yours to theirs if you wanted… but you didn’t need to. And there wasn’t any real benefit beyond that.

In short, I really don’t want eSports to be a thing. I’ve never looked at gaming as sport, but as art. And while I know both niches can be served, I don’t fully understand why the need to have it be a “sport” is even there. Sports fanatics will never fully accept it because they view gaming in the same way most gamers probably view golf or bowling or NASCAR. But I guess, yeah, that fact it’s League of Legends is another thing that really gets to me. Sports are supposed to be fun for those playing but also for those watching. If you like the sport, you’ll like watching it. I like gaming, and I love watching Let’s Plays. But, as stated before, League of Legends is really boring to me. And I can’t imagine them playing games on TV for people to watch because the audience there isn’t solely gamers. And that audience will probably be less entertained by it than I am.

Besides, surely there are better games we could push to make our eSports flagbearer. Hell, I’ll take Gears of War or Halo over League of Legends, and I don’t really care for those games either. Personally, I think it’d be fun if Left4Dead became an eSports phenomenon. Or maybe Street Fighter… NO! Wait! Mario Party! Think about it, it’s something that actually can be fun to watch with the right people involved. It’s easy enough for anyone to follow along and even play themselves to join in on the competition if they want to. It’s a fun and colorful game for all ages. AND I think it’d be funny to have celebrity appearances from athletes in other sports jump into a Mario Party game and see how they fare against actual gamers. The idea of that just seems hilarious to me.

Regardless, while I may not like eSports or League of Legends, this discussion is a sign that gaming and its relationship to the world around it is not only improving, but moving in ways that can help it attain greater heights in the future. Though I’m skeptical about this in the sense I feel this is really more about companies making money off advertising than showing a legitimately good game, BUT that’s not the discussion here. Gaming is getting accepted from those outside the medium and we should consider that a plus, at the very least. Now we just have to get annoying church groups to stop assuming we’re all serial killers and rapists waiting to take over the world in our horrible and violent rage. See ya next time. 

The Devil Drives Four Wheels: A Horror Story of Cars and Men... mostly Cars... and sad men.

I haven’t done an update about my personal life (ie non-entertainment stuff) for a long time now. That’s mostly because the personal life was pretty much nothing for a while. This week has been… rough… with pockets of good things happening, but mostly rough like pounding your head into a cement wall.

As some of you may have noticed (on facebook at least) I haven’t posted much at all this week. Why is that? Well, I was out of town and I typically don’t post much if I’m out of town unless I have a good reason to do so. Plus, I was more into playing Pokemon and seeing family than wanting to get on a computer to talk about my playing Pokemon and seeing family… (which I’ll get to the former here at some point in the near future). The trip was designed to only last for maybe a day at most and then come home. The problem, my car decided that it was tired of me taking it for granted and assuming it would work all the time. Thus, my story begins on the freeway on route to Des Moines.

I was around Altoona when I first noticed the problem, and I’m more than certain it didn’t appear sooner than that, given that I check my dashboard with the same frequency I check my HUD in [insert game name here]. The red light indicating I was low on oil had popped up, which was timed appropriately with me needing to use the restroom really badly. I pulled over in Altoona and made way to the restroom first. Then came the inspection. I removed the dipstick from the… um… what the fuck do you call the hole you check your oil in anyway? The “dip-hole?” Sounds dirty.

Anyway, I looked and my oil level was, in fact, low. Really low. In fact, I didn’t see any oil on the dipstick at all, though maybe I was just mental. I went in to buy more oil but they didn’t have the oil my car needed to run… at all. So I made a call home for Mom to come give me a ride to oil or to bring enough up for me to get home. Twenty minutes pass and we make our way to a HyVee (which we were told about) that didn’t have oil, and then followed up with a trip to a nearby AutoZone (which we stumbled across) that had what we needed. We filled the car up and made the rest of the journey home. But… the story is only just beginning. Act One, so to speak.

We got home and nearing our destination, smoke was fuming out from under the hood like it was a college dorm room, only with less mellowing out and more worrying that my car would explode. I pull up at the house, I take my stuff into the house, and then I call Dad, the only car expert I know within reasonable distance, to help figure out what’s going on. Eventually he gets home (unrelated stuff happens prior to that) and looks at the car. Oil stains the ground below like a pool of blood at a homicide, and smoke rises again whenever the car is started. It is decided that we (I) will call Subaru in the morning to take the car in and fix it since it was under warranty (supposedly).

I call, and this is where I make my first digression. Ramsey Subaru has the worst automated call/answering system ever. They list your options and “For Service, press 2” is, clearly, the second option mentioned. But there’s a sub-option after that when the automated voice says, “for Service, press 1.” Why is there another button press for service after I’ve already hit a button press for service? That doesn’t make any fucking sense? But then again, I’m used to worlds in which your armor is stored in a pocket of your armor, so who am I to argue?

I call Subaru, followed by the guys to tow it out. It doesn’t get there to near 10 for reasons, but it gets there. It eventually is reported as fixed and it seems like all is fine and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. However, on my side-trip to buy a birthday gift for Mom, I notice the smoke returning like your creepy Uncle skulking into your room late into the night. When I get back from buying, I see what looks like more fluid beneath the car and I wasn’t sure what to do. I called home for a second opinion and we thought maybe there was some left-over oil from the leak just sitting around and figured we’d wait to see what’s going on.

Dad, the third opinion, weighs in when he gets home. By that point, however, more leaking had occurred where the puddle was clearly visible from the house. We put another call to Subaru and the towing company the following morning for round two. Incidentally, it was the same gentleman towing my car for the second day in a row.

The car is once again reported as fixed by the end of the day, but as I’m driving home, I notice the smoke is appearing again. We check numerous times, but no leaks. However, needing to head back to Iowa City soon and really getting pissed at all the nonsense leading up to now, I decided I’d just take it back to Subaru and have them give it another look before they close. Unfortunately, at the time, they couldn’t say with any certainty what the issue was. So they kept it overnight.

The following day we get the call. The smoke (this time) was caused by leftover oil sitting above the engine. They took time to clean it up and also recommended a car wash. The less I talk about that horrible car wash, the better. Here’s just a quick side note to people with car washes. Guys, can we please have just car washes that put your vehicle in neutral and just leave it like that until you leave? The ones where you actually are supposed to drive through don’t make any sense and shouldn’t be bothered with.

Whatever the case. It seemed like everything was finally fixed! I threw my luggage into the car. I said goodbye to the family and pets. I gassed up the car and bought a soda. I threw on the next RoosterTeeth podcast and was ready to go. I drove for a while and was feeling pretty confident about everything this time and was ready to just enjoy the ride… And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked… I mean the check engine light game on. It was only blinking and it was just all of the sudden.

Now, a smarter me was suggesting to stop at the next exit and deal with this immediately. That version of me was the smart one who, while not always fun at parties, generally had the most sensible ideas despite his often depressing and pessimistic attitudes. But he wasn’t the one driving that day. It was an optimistic and naïve me that was concerned for a moment, but tried to shrug it off. “I’ve seen people with those lights on in their cars and it usually means nothing,” I thought. “David, Erin, that guy from work whose name I’m not remembering, and so on. So I’ll just drive a little farther and see how this develops. If I’m lucky, I won’t notice anything and I’ll be in Iowa City with no issue.”

Oh how I would have loved to go back in time and punch that optimism right off my face, taken the wheel, and then do what needed to be done. But, as you may have seen in earlier posts in dealing with ex-girlfriends and other life decisions, this isn’t necessarily the first time I’ve my optimistic approach to something has ended up only coming back to fire a shotgun into my face (remember Kat, anyone?). Unfortunately, I cannot bend the laws of time and space to prevent myself from making those dumb decisions. Nor, indeed, can I use the knowledge I have now to take over the world cira 1940, but I’ll just have to learn to accept that for now and move on (to building the time machine).

The light was noticed around Marshalltown and it wasn’t until about Newton when I gave up and pulled over to see how bad the situation was. I looked under the hood (leaving the car on so I could SEE the problem) and I was shocked at what I saw. You know in the movies how they shake the camera to make it look like an earthquake or a lot of explosions or heavy impacts are happening? Imagine that kind of camera work, but filming Michael J Fox during a bad day and that generally describes the violent and terrifying nature of how my car engine was shaking. I immediately called Dad for consultation, and then called Subaru (again) to have them look at my car (again). It had to be towed (again) back to the dealership (again). And, surprisingly enough, it was the SAME GUY towing my car for the THIRD FUCKING TIME! He even said that this was a record for the number of times he’s towed the same car. Glad I could help with that /sarcasm. Seriously though, nice guy and I appreciate all the help he’s given with this. If you ever need a tow-guy, ask for “Mel” from Ultimate towing in Des Moines. He’s a pretty cool dude.

Mel gives me a ride home (since he knows where my parents live). And I extend my stay another night. I called work and told them it was literally impossible for me to get to work the next morning and kept others (girlfriend, roommate, and random friend I thought was going to work the next day) informed of what had just gone down and proceeded to curse the world for giving me a car possessed by Satan… though I think the Satan thing might actually be a new ordeal. That said, the reason I stayed the extra night was because I didn’t get back to the dealership in time to get a loaner car and while I could have rented a car, I didn’t want to deal with ANOTHER company while still trying to deal with this one. Only one set of complications at a time please.

The next morning, around 9AM, I get a loaner car and head back to Iowa City. It’s weird, but I like it, but it’s new so that’s expected. The adventure, however, is still not over. I still need to get back to Des Moines to pick up the husk of automobile once the exorcist as removed whatever demonic creature resides in the car’s engine sometime next week. I will likely have to wait until Wednesday, but I might head back Monday if everything seems alright. But that’s the sequel to be released sometime next week. I hope this story was as fascinating for you as it was frustrating for me to experience firsthand.

However, the observant reader will have caught on to a few details that hint at what I might get into next. For those interested, yes, I did play a lot of Pokemon during the down time. It was great. It is probably the best game of the series (which surprised me even) and it might even make game of the year unless Walking Dead season 2, Sonic Lost Worlds, Phoenix Wright Dual Destinies, or Arkham Origins have something to say about that. And, no, GTA5 isn’t a competitor for the nomination because Saints Row IV is just better in every way except in the online department, which, as you know, I don’t give two fucks about.

What’s that? Something else? Yes! I did have other ways to spend the down time. I did get to watch old episodes of Simpsons and Mom and I caught up on the last season of American Horror Stories, which was actually really damn good. Anything else? Hm… I did get to see my brother, which was a pleasant surprise. Anything else… Hm…

Oh! You probably read that line about how I called people after being towed from Newton and saw that one of the people called was, in fact, a girlfriend. No, that was not exaggeration for effect or me embellishing details to make the story better (I would have called a harem if I felt like embellishing). No, I’m once again in a relationship, but it really isn’t all that sudden. It’s one that has kind of been in the makings for maybe four months or more. Given some of the notoriously dumb ideas and decisions made in the first quarter of this year, I decided it might be best to slow down with her and make sure I don’t do a dumb. Details? A name perhaps? If you read the entire thing properly, you might have caught the name without realizing it. I won’t spoil it for you, but I will say that, no, it wasn’t Mel. So, no, this week wasn't all bad... just a lot of bad with spikes of genuinely good things happening. 

But, no, I’ve decided the slow approach is best with this newer girl because, frankly, going too fast has been an issue the past couple times. I’ll save the speed for the fastest thing alive… you know… the blue blur… Sonic the Hedgehog. Which, incidentally, is coming out this week. With Pokemon now winding down into post-game training shenanigans, I think a dose of sonic speed is exactly what I’ve been waiting for. Unless something interesting comes up between now and then, I’ll see you from the strange worlds of Sonic Lost Worlds.